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Wonky weather

One morning, it's 28; the next, 59. My body is paying dearly for the severe weather swings, and mornings are almost unbearable. I can barely open my medicine bottles now, and something needs to be done. Z has volunteered to go to my next doctor's appointment with me, to give them his perspective. The meds just aren't lasting long enough or working the way they should. While the rest of the day will be "okay", right now, I find it hard to imagine.

It's teen weekend at the crib, and I'm still suffering a migraine. I'm not going to bring up the newest "fight" the spawnlette and I had. They seem to be too frequent lately. She's so angry, but I can't determine why. It feels like it's directed towards me, however. Not a good feeling, and I don't understand it. Seems like she never laughs and jokes anymore unless her friends are around. The scary thing about that is, is that I do the same thing. I'm grossly unhappy, but to be around me you can't tell. In fact, I seem overly happy most of the time. She's too smart for a regular psych, so I'm just going to watch and see what happens over the next couple of months.

Ain't I a ray of sunshine? lol. I hush now. I should never write (a) at night; (b) when I'm in pain; or (c) when I know I'm in the midst of depression. Doesn't bode well for good journal entries, and I really have nothing good to say. Yay.

So Imma end it here. Got to cook breakfast in a few minutes. HOW FUN.

O.o

Comments

( 4 whispered — Speak )
writerwench
Dec. 2nd, 2007 12:18 am (UTC)
Spawnlette possibly extremely distressed at your pain, furious with what is causing it, but not knowing how to process/deal with her feelings? Much sympathy for both pain and conflict.
none_too_subtle
Dec. 2nd, 2007 12:19 pm (UTC)
I didn't think about that, but you could be right. Then again, she loves thinking she's "responsible" for everything that happens (good and bad). We've had a good weekend, but I feel something's bothering her.
writerwench
Dec. 2nd, 2007 01:54 pm (UTC)
Apparently it's very common for intelligent, caring female adolescents to assume that everything bad that happens to their loved ones is somehow their 'fault'. I had to work through this with my older daughter - she felt responsible for the divorce!!! And then felt responsible for having 'ruined' my life, by being a needy and special child! (Rolls eyes)

If you haven't already had the 'Yes this is grim and may well shorten my lifespan, but we have to face it with positive strength' session with spawnlette (but I'd assume you did that when it first reared its ugly head), then maybe that should happen. Over much chocolate-themed comfort food.
none_too_subtle
Dec. 3rd, 2007 01:09 pm (UTC)
Oh, I've heard that from her, too. I asked her if it was also her fault that I have SLE. Unreal. Then she'll ARGUE about me being sick!!! It drives me insane. She knows how serious my situation is (especially after my first heart attack), but is really good at guarding her feelings. I think avoidance is her game (just like her dad...ugh), and that my years left will be spent "visiting" with her when she feels like it, or needs something her dad won't get her.

This is how I /feel/. I'm not saying it's a fact, but my future is looking bleak with her, and I cannot let her "kill" my last few years, you know? Especially since I have been honest with her, talked with her about it, etc.

Again, her dad (and I honestly hate saying this) is part of the problem, and I can do /nothing/ about that. *sigh*
( 4 whispered — Speak )

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Words.

Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.

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