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You Are Internal - Realist - Powerful

You feel your life is controlled internally.
If you want something, you make it happen.
You don't wait around for things to go your way.
You value your independence and don't like others to have control.

You are a realist when it comes to luck.
You don't attribute everything to luck, but you do know some things are random.
You don't beat yourself up when bad things happen to you...
But you do your best to try to make your own luck.

When it comes to who's in charge, it's you.
Life is a kingdom, and you're the grand ruler.
You don't care much about what others think.
But they better care what you think!


So if all THAT'S true, why is life soooooo freakin' challenging right now? Maybe I'm not as "controlled" as the test thinks I am. Or maybe it's just right now.

Had a lovely conversation with an Indian woman named Shilviya today. She literally told me about my situation right now without knowing /anything/ about me. Her karma radiates over the cold lines of the Internet, and I feel she's one of the older souls, blessed with the ability of sight which most don't have. I also work for her :) She again praised my work, which always motivates me to do more and better.

Tonight is going to be /rough/. I can't legally talk about it, but if you pray, please say one for me. For me and all other women who have fallen victim to psychotic men who feel they can do anything and get away with it.

The victor alpha is on their game. My meds will be on time today. Although they've streamlined it now, I feel my current medication -- particularly with the fun, new pain I have -- simply isn't doing the job. At all. I'm afraid of what else they'll try on me. :/

I feel optimistic about the job interview yesterday, and THEN got a call from a very professional organization here, wanting me to come in and interview for their company. The money will be incredible; but so would the stress. With yesterday's, it would be filled with interesting things and people, and NO stress. Hmmmmmmm. Yeah, it's an easy decision, even though I'm worrying myself to death about money. Blah. I hate it.

I've already gone through an entire tub of fudge. GOD HELP ME I'LL BE A HOG BY SUMMER. Z's trying to fatten me up for a kill, I'm thinking. WTS. Cannibal.

Today, I'm suffering another headache, due to all the writing I did yesterday and last night, and need for 11 to arrive and quick, so I can take a break and rest some. I need a new prescription for my glasses, as these are ineffective now. MAN. I feel my mortality sneaking up on me in so many ways. Each year brings a new "you're getting older" thing, and I'm sick of the "signs". lol. They're unavoidable, and I should just be happy to LOOK young. Doesn't matter if I feel 100. Right? That was rhetorical. ;p

The weather is CRAZY right now. I wish it would level out, so my sinuses and body will, too. Today, I was at a pain level of 10 when I woke up, and could barely get out of bed. Ugh?!?! Why IS THAT? Something terrible is going on with my body, and I'm about to learn in a couple of days, when my test results come back. I'm dreading it.

I finally got an external keyboard to work with my laptop THANK GOD. Now I don't have to worry about the C anymore. lol :) It's a bit uncomfy, when I'm writing or working from the bed. I tried to use my bed tray, but it's not long enough. It holds the computer fine, however.

Yeah, so you just wasted 2 good minutes of your time reading that non-update. :> Feel free to start flogging ;-)

The end.

Comments

( 13 whispered — Speak )
jesusrock7
Dec. 5th, 2007 05:43 pm (UTC)
Gotta watch out for those meds...a recent episode of "NCIS" was about a jarhead who thought he was still in Iraq, because of some experimental meds somebody was giving him -- at Bethesda, the Nat'l Naval Medical Center, no less. :-(

Good luck on the glasses. Wish I could get stronger ones; I'd need an entirely new set of eyes (literally) for that to happen...but then I could just get ones that are 20/20. LOL. Debating the whole Lasik idea. I'd consider it more if I had the money.

Edited at 2007-12-05 05:50 pm (UTC)
none_too_subtle
Dec. 5th, 2007 06:06 pm (UTC)
ALLLLLL of my friends would benefit from time away from the boob tube.

I have many PDRs and am not stupid :) Hellllllllllll o.
lefthand_path
Dec. 5th, 2007 06:05 pm (UTC)
sending you good vibrations. a whole tub of fudge? you should try that publix "bear claw", it is just too much.
none_too_subtle
Dec. 5th, 2007 06:07 pm (UTC)
Man, I do NOT need fudge! It's WAY fattening. Eeeks. Gotta watch my girlish figure :> Right now, I feel like my ass is stalking me. ;)
writerwench
Dec. 5th, 2007 07:22 pm (UTC)
Will bear you in mind tonight, hon. We have very unsettled, wild weather here as well - every five minutes it changes from wind/rain/cold to sun/calm/cold, then wind/calm/warm to sun/wind/cold... crazy stuff.

Good luck with the meds. It's never easy.
none_too_subtle
Dec. 5th, 2007 07:34 pm (UTC)
Thank you, sweetie. I'm hoping to pave the road for other women who've endured what I did. So this will be a struggle and it begins tonight. *sigh*

Thanks re: meds. Jimmy (my FedEx guy) just called to let me know he'd be here early for me. He's great! :)
summercamp
Dec. 5th, 2007 08:40 pm (UTC)
All hail the grand ruler!

*welcoms peasants, nobility (aka the headrubbers), etc to Teridom!*
none_too_subtle
Dec. 5th, 2007 09:00 pm (UTC)
HEY! THEY SHOULD ALL COMMENCE WITH THE RUBBING RIGHT NOW!!!! :) I have a horrible headache from today. Blah.
cazul_blue
Dec. 5th, 2007 08:52 pm (UTC)
I think you got a headache from all the fudge!
none_too_subtle
Dec. 5th, 2007 09:00 pm (UTC)
I thought chocolate was supposed to /help/ with all that? Gahhhhhhhh.
cazul_blue
Dec. 5th, 2007 10:22 pm (UTC)
LOL

Caffeine sometimes helps with migraines. Which is crazy because it's also a big trigger! Who knows...
phaseolus
Dec. 6th, 2007 05:48 am (UTC)
I agree completely on the stress + money vs. no stress thing. Life's too short, y'know?? I've had a job or two where I simply dreaded going back to work every Monday. I keep swearing I'm never doing that again...

Best of luck with the thing-that-can't-be-talked about, I hope it works out for you.
none_too_subtle
Dec. 6th, 2007 08:26 am (UTC)
And it STILL can't be talked about. Ugh. Not over yet, nor do I feel it will be if I continue pushing hard on that button...
( 13 whispered — Speak )

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Words.

Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.
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