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Run for the roses

Neither my nor the spawnlette's alarms went off this morning. My alarm goes off EVERY morning WAY early, whether I have somewhere to be or not. It figures that this particular morn, it would take a day off.

So it was a race to the front door, and then, to her school.

I have to say that pulling up in front of the massive entrance to Hoover High, and watching her - so tiny and frail in comparison - made me want to snatch her up, and take her back home with me. The beauty of her taking the bus throughout high school has been my never having to face /school/. Now that I've been in front of it, it amazes me that she belongs to a seemingly gargantuous institution that would put most colleges to shame and I wonder how many obstacles, truly, does she have to go through in a single day? This doesn't count the classes and tests. Socially, I wonder, just based on the few conversations we've had that were rather prickly. I can't let go of the baby in her, and it's getting to be really hard on me.

In addition to that, ALL I've been dreaming of lately are involving either she or my mom and dad (or whole family). I /still/ don't feel I've properly mourned the loss of my parents yet, and feel that the cell will ring one day, and I'll see their number on caller I.D., wondering where I was on Easter, or Thanksgiving. =( Maybe those dreams are trying to gently edge me over into realizing that this number will never show up again. I'll never talk about the Civil War with my dad again, nor listen to my mother whisper the latest family gossip over the phone. I have no one waiting for me to show up on Christmas Eve, and maybe it's /this/ that I'm having trouble with. While I still loathe most holidays, I guess something inside me needed to be missed by at least one person. Now I'm missed by none. Being adopted really doesn't help these feelings much, as I realize the extended family probably never really cared to start with.

Man. I need to lighten up just a little bit. So much to catch up with in here, and no time to do it. I have a victor alpha appointment tomorrow which I'm dreading, and they're going to run a whole series of tests because of recent occurrences which concern me and my PCP. *sigh* It almost feels like the beginning to an end. While I'm not scared of that, I'd like for this life to be straightened out before I depart. I guess I've answered the question of "if you could, would you want to know when you were going to die?" Er, yes, I would.

I'm running as fast as I can, and can't keep up with the most recent...disparaging events which have occurred. I've withheld from journaling them because - let's face it - no one wants to hear all that bad shit. *I* don't like reading bad shit. I /love/ my friends who stay so happy all the time (ahem, ayoub ) and wish I could be more like them. All that crap about "you could wish yourself into a happy life" is bullsheize that somebody needs to stitch on a pillow and throw in a closet. You don't choose for other people to be assholes and losers, yet we cross their paths daily. Or I do. lol Yay.

Nothing earth shattering needs to be said right now, and since this has turned into a somber bit of garbage, Imma end it here.


The end.

Comments

( 5 whispered — Speak )
cazul_blue
May. 12th, 2008 08:55 pm (UTC)
We call it Hoover U (haha).

BTW, we still haven't made it to the movie theater to see "Baby Momma".
none_too_subtle
May. 12th, 2008 09:20 pm (UTC)
Poor K, swimming with sharks!! lol :)

Yup, we need to catch it before it's a rental! =) That is, if I can fit into any of my clothes. Another thing they're testing me for tomorrow. Greaaaaaaat.
(Deleted comment)
none_too_subtle
May. 12th, 2008 11:23 pm (UTC)
Yeah - any non-fiction or learning shows, I miss talking with him about. He was constantly learning and shared that knowledge with me. I do miss him horribly =(
ayoub
May. 13th, 2008 03:59 am (UTC)
*hugs you*

Alarms... So hated when they work... So hated when they don't...
none_too_subtle
May. 13th, 2008 04:23 am (UTC)
She and I both are so careful with them, that it's freakish for both not to go off this morning. Meh!

*hugs you back*
( 5 whispered — Speak )

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Words.

Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.
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