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*Fair warning that this is NOT a happy entry. Far from it, so read no further if you're looking for fun and kicks around this hood.
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The mouse is still in the house.

Not only that, but it's not at all timid. It runs out into the center of my freakin' room with me, lying in wait with a baseball bat, emboldened and sneaking into its hideout totally not caring whether I see him or not.

This is the first time in my life that I've seen a mouse that wasn't in a cage. Something's gotta be done to it. I felt a little comforted, when someone else on my friend's list posted about having the same issues - bold mice.

I also find some sort of...comfort in knowing that I'm not the only one having trouble finding gainful employment. I hate it that a lot of friends and acquaintances are going through this, but I've been dealing with it intermittently for more than a year. It seems that I just can't gain footage necessary to crawl out from under this hole. A couple of agencies have told me that it's worse now than it was even in December of last year. That doesn't bode well for my future. I'm SO SICK of worrying every month, and on the verge of being forced to file bankruptcy. Never have I had so many concerns like this.

And the joy doesn't stop there. I feel lost in my life all of the sudden. I don't trust my judgment, and feel like a helium balloon that's been set free in the middle of the woods, not knowing my destination, but sure to fall eventually. I'm scared. I'm not sleeping at night, and can't even say that I have anything to look forward to. All of this keeps building up at a crescendo that's going to drive me mad if it continues at this rate.

What I get SO SICK of hearing is "it'll get better" and "you're so strong, you can handle it" and "think positive"!

I'M SORRY. BUT THAT'S JUST NOT HOW LIFE WORKS OUT, JACKASS. This /always/ comes from people who have it made and are sitting pretty, happily employed and confident about groceries next week. Never do you hear this pillow-case quips from someone in dire straights. It's hard to see the end of the tunnel when there isn't a light.

Isn't that what our friends are? Lights? I'm losing faith in humanity all the time I'm going through this stretch of my life. It's MARCH ALREADY, and I've not accomplished anything. It's no wonder I haven't been journaling, because /this/ might've come out sooner and much worse than it is right now. Hell, I'm actually calm at this moment. I don't feel like going through the motions of being "okay" when I'm not okay. I don't feel like trying to inspire other people feeling like this. It's not that I'd want to intentionally bring them down, thus the hermitism. I figure if I stay home, it won't rub off. I'd surely be horrible company right now, so any/all plans have been canceled. Unless it's a job interview, I'm going nowhere. This situation snowballs, and there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it.

No, it's absolutely impossible to "do" more than I am now. I hate those who give me "suggestions" or "ideas" if I even dare bring up my situation - it doesn't HELP. I've ALREADY thought about it, exhausted it, beat it to death, and stayed awake at night, then listening to their cracker-jack psychology on the fly. Grrr.

One thing. I really REALLY need just one good thing to happen right now. Something out of the blue, out of the ordinary. Something to at least make me smile, even if it's only for a little bit. Something that makes me stop making plans with my life insurance ... kidding, kidding. I do need a miracle, and have needed one for a good year.

I'm not alone in my feelings, as I've read similar whilst reading my list. Others are stuck in this situation, too, probably feeling as desperate as I am, but afraid to voice it in case some idiot on their list (or a passerby) decides to either give them suggestions (which we've again already thought of), or doesn't want to read because OH NO SHE'S NOT HAPPY SO I'M LEAVING HER JOURNAL. SO?

I'm here for /me/. Right now, this is really all I do have.

Nope, I don't want or need suggestions. I've already thought it up, I assure you, and either it didn't work out or I've exhausted it. I need a miracle, and I don't think anyone who reads this is a miracle worker.

If you don't like it, then don't read. I'm going past sad to angry and back again. Tread lightly if you approach me "out there" in IM land. I'm saying it up front, so you've been warned.

Having said all that, I hope the rest are all happy and secure in their worlds and that it STAYS that way. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy (or most horrible relative). And yes, I'm screening comments just in case someone didn't want to read AFTER being warned.

Comments

( 12 whispered — Speak )
summercamp
Mar. 24th, 2009 07:52 pm (UTC)
You didn't mention it, so I thought I'd ask, have you set traps for the mouse and if so what kind and what are you using for bait?

I hope things get better in the other areas for you, but then I've always hoped that :)
none_too_subtle
Mar. 24th, 2009 07:55 pm (UTC)
Wow; haven't seen you around in awhile. I need sticky traps but can't get them right now. I can only hope to catch him or get him with a baseball bat right now.
summercamp
Mar. 24th, 2009 07:59 pm (UTC)
We were on vacation for the past week and a half, so that's why I've been MIA...

All the luck I've ever had in catching mice, both at work and at our hotel at the Grand Canyon was using one of those old fashioned snap traps with peanut butter as bait, for what it's worth.
none_too_subtle
Mar. 24th, 2009 08:01 pm (UTC)
Oh.

I've tried that. I even tried what was left of the bacon, and neither worked. It's smart.
summercamp
Mar. 24th, 2009 08:01 pm (UTC)
Dang, that's one tough mouse - well good luck!
none_too_subtle
Mar. 24th, 2009 08:05 pm (UTC)
Yeah, it's smart.
padiwack
Mar. 24th, 2009 08:38 pm (UTC)
*sigh*

I just climbed aboard the unemployment boat, but yeah it is major suckage of the hairiest sort. In the last week I have run the emotional gamut from A-Z. I try not to think crazy, but it's hard not too!

I say "fuck 'em" if people don't want to read what's real and happening in your life!

My only solution for brave mice was a spring loaded trap until Binx came into my life - have not seen one since (much to her dismay!)

none_too_subtle
Mar. 24th, 2009 08:41 pm (UTC)
That's how I feel (regarding anyone who reads). You and I aren't fighting the unemployment battle alone in here. I have several friends on my list who are, too, and I'd bet my left ass cheek there will be more who're finding themselves unemployed by the year's end.

How did your interview go? I keep hearing "overqualified", "overeducated", "you could do more/make more money", etc. I'm sick to death of it, when all I want to do is WORK. Ugh.

I wish right now that I had a cat! I'd definitely sleep better at night, since that rapscallion tends to be nocturnal.
ayoub
Mar. 24th, 2009 09:25 pm (UTC)
Hey...

I just want you to know that I love you.

And bold mice... Now, if you had a small calibre gun... Yes, I would shoot a mouse. But then, I'd have hardwood floors, too.
none_too_subtle
Mar. 24th, 2009 09:30 pm (UTC)
I love you, too *hug*

I've thought about shooting it, but I don't think my neighbors would appreciate it. Plus, no telling what kind of reaction I'd get, using a gun right about now. Scary.
paradoxymoron
Mar. 25th, 2009 06:56 am (UTC)
...Rent a bold cat?

*hugs*
none_too_subtle
Mar. 25th, 2009 07:48 am (UTC)
I could use one right now. *hugs*
( 12 whispered — Speak )

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Words.

Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.
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