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I hope 2010 isn't a dull repeat of 2009. I need to journal more often, particularly since Kelsey is going through so many changes and so much happens I can barely sit still. Since last year, I suddenly froze up with the journal thing, and that hasn't happened since I began this in 2002. I didn't even bother with my annual journal-in-a-minute this year. Eeeeeks.

How do you pick up on your journal when you haven't done it in ages? I don't even know where to begin, how or when. Kelsey's gone through two cars so far, has big plans for her future, and my life is as it always has been, sans the crazy stalker stuff, once I finally got caller I.D. :> I won't have to deal with that crazy daily phone call with music, and have not since it was switched on. Sorry, jackass. Have fun playing junior high with some other chick.

There have been many life-altering situations and deaths which have occurred within my inner circle, none of which was journaled. Doing it now seems pointless, as I've not kept up with ANYTHING.

I've seen friends stop journaling (and they're still silent) and used to wonder why. Now I know it's because they're living their lives instead of writing about the mundane. I know *I* get tired of hearing what someone's freakin' daily menu consists of, or what color their shirt is on a regular basis. What's worse are the ones on my list who honestly think they're good people and could not be further from the truth. We reveal SO much when we write, even when we're not cognizant of it. Perhaps especially. No, this doesn't stop me from writing as I don't feel I'm bad (except in traffic), but rather feel a detached indifference towards my own life, or keeping a record of it.

Perhaps a resolution I could've made this year would be to journal more often. Right now, I'm sick of some of the people who read it (if you think this is you, you're probably right). I've been tempted to go friend's only, but swore I'd never do that. At this point in life, I don't /want/ everyone reading this.

Recently, someone got upset over a status I had or some random quip I made on one of my sites. It was so ridiculous at how angry/upset this person was that it made me feel a little sick. If I can't write what I want to on MY OWN PAGES, then Houston, we have a problem. First, it's not anyone's business what I write or why. I shouldn't have to explain myself in a journal, on Facebook, Twitter or even my high school site. Why do I let people stifle me like this? I never used to care what anyone thought when I wrote my little thoughts down. I don't know if it's that I care right now, but rather I don't want to deal with any unhappiness involving what I write.

So while I'd love to ask a few people to just stop reading me, it won't happen.

I'm seriously thinking of moving to one of my truly anonymous journals to write, just because I can breathe again. I'd miss the interaction of my friends, but that's better than keeping everything bottled up. I've also thought about springing the $15 for an anonymous name change, but feel sure that the assholes who feel it necessary to sneak around my sites will find a way to trace me somehow (I've already thought of three ways to do this, so I'm sure they could). It's not that life is so interesting or disinteresting - it's the effect it has on some people in my life that's making me feel stifled and crazy. I'm not going to change who I am just to keep someone placated. Grow up. Man up. Don't personalize what I do since it's not about YOU, but rather, about ME.

But I digress. I'm just sick of not being able to journal for these sundry reasons. I've also been busy with my Kindle (don't wanna hear opinions on that either, since it was a thoughtful Christmas present). Reading now takes up all my free time.

Reading the friend's list is another issue entirely. I culled my list significantly last year, but feel I need to cut about five more out of the list now. I simply can't tolerate some behavior out there, and why suffer through it? It's no big deal, even though it'll be treated that way (or I'd bet - drama ALWAYS ensues when I unfriend someone).

Ja, so that's that. I don't know what I started to write when this began but now it sounds like a serious bitch fest. Maybe it is. That's okay, because it's my journal.

Should I change my name and carry my friends over, should I change my name and just be anonymous, or should I change my name and only inform friends who I really want to read and keep up with on the list?

NOTE: Since I'm leaning towards anonymously changing my name, and you're a friend of mine who doesn't have a Livejournal but still want to keep up with me (i.e., Taz, Bill, Bob Beck., Minnie, Jackie, Terri, etc.), please write me at tbastedo@aol.com so I can send you my new journal name in case I change it quickly (which is, as most know, my style).

I'm tired just thinking of it.

Comments

( 14 whispered — Speak )
farranger
Jan. 11th, 2010 01:36 pm (UTC)
Grease up the guillotine. Time to chop, chop, chop, said Robespierre before he lost his head.
none_too_subtle
Jan. 11th, 2010 02:25 pm (UTC)
Hahaha. I wish it was that easy. I just loathe a couple I have to read, but the real problems come from people WITHOUT an LJ. Ugh.
nsingman
Jan. 11th, 2010 01:48 pm (UTC)
It's your journal, and we're your guests (or not) as you see fit. Do what is best for you.
none_too_subtle
Jan. 11th, 2010 02:27 pm (UTC)
Thank you, Noah! I feel the same way (as I have respect for other's journals, too). I appreciated the mail as well. If I do go anonymous, it'll just be for those outside of the loop ANYway (i.e., people who read but don't have LJs or those not on my friend's list/those who're not filtered out). :)

I have a mean filter going which excludes a few people. I figure that means I should unfriend them, as I seem to just be stretching these relationships (if they're called that) out past their due dates. lol :)
summercamp
Jan. 11th, 2010 02:43 pm (UTC)
i've missed your posts!
none_too_subtle
Jan. 11th, 2010 05:00 pm (UTC)
Awwww that's sweet of you to say. I have, however, felt encumbered by certain readers, ya know? I'd love to pick up, but can't find a place to start. When you go this long without journaling, you lose your way. There's no time like the present though, non?
pleepleus
Jan. 11th, 2010 03:02 pm (UTC)
I am totally with you on the lack of journaling thing. I think I really just don't think anyone wants to hear about the daily goings on in my life, or anyone in my family. And then, if something significant happens, I feel like I shouldn't post about it because it seems drama or ego whorish or something to only share "big" things, the good or bad.

I can't tell you what to do about the name change or stalkers. I'll just say do what feels right for you and your needs, place in time, and comfort level. Don't worry about how it effects anyone else.

All that said, i do miss you though. ;)
none_too_subtle
Jan. 11th, 2010 05:01 pm (UTC)
I've always enjoyed reading your entries, no matter what the subject. Don't feel that way! And it's sweet of you to say you miss me. I've missed most of you guys, too. The ones I don't miss, however, are making me ever more reluctant to journal, for the same reasons you've stated. You and I are so much alike!
writerwench
Jan. 11th, 2010 08:13 pm (UTC)
Missed your humour and wry style! Yeah, that caller ID is a brilliant thing. I must get it for my daughter.

I guess LJ is what you make it - a diary, a record of your thoughts and activities, a place to vent your ire and wrath, whatever! I use the 'eyes only' function quite a lot, but basically LJ is my diary. People can read or not as they wish!

It is, however, completely unacceptable that a few sanctimonious, overly-entitlement-minded individuals should make you feel constrained and anxious about posting your thoughts. I'd go with the name-change and informing only friends, to reinstate privacy and a happy mood.
none_too_subtle
Jan. 11th, 2010 11:15 pm (UTC)
You're right, and that's what I'm inclined to do. Not out of cowardice or even the /need/ for anonymity, but because it makes me sick that some "hangars-on" can't stay away and literally become toxic. It was enough to run me off of my journal and I shouldn't deal with that. After I wrote this entry today, someone who I /never/ wanted to speak to again (and told him so MANY times) had the nerve to ask to be kept updated. See? Stalkers never change; he just tried to make his stalking easier. The thought that he - and a few others - actually read anything about me turns my stomach.

I like the way you update, which is precisely how I used to handle mine. I'd throw the occasional letter and list in there, but it mostly served as a diary.
ayoub
Jan. 12th, 2010 12:19 pm (UTC)
I hope you find a way that works for you...
none_too_subtle
Jan. 12th, 2010 04:23 pm (UTC)
I've been mulling it over and still haven't reached a good way to make this transition without losing some real-life friends. I've been so awful about not journaling that I'm sure they stopped "checking" to see if I'd updated lately. Of course, I could make this same announcement in Facebook, and half of them (real life friends) would see it. Hm. Not a bad idea. What do /you/ think I should do?
ayoub
Jan. 12th, 2010 08:04 pm (UTC)
I know what I'd do... I'd cut those I don't want, and stay where I am...

But that's me...

You around tomorrow for a chat?
none_too_subtle
Jan. 12th, 2010 08:16 pm (UTC)
I can't cut non-Ljers from reading what I write unless I go friend's only (which I've sworn to never do). There are a couple I need to get rid of, so I don't read their tripe anymore, but that's not my main problem.

I'm supposed to work tomorrow, but you can try and see if I'm here. I had a car issue today, so I'm not sure about tomorrow. :>
( 14 whispered — Speak )

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Words.

Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.
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