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No sugar last night in my coffee

No sleep. I thought a sleep movie would take me down, but naw -- restless leg wins again by a mile. The movie was bizarre (The Box, for those who have Netflix).

Hey and THANKS for that phone call at 1:30 a.m. right after I posted below and tried to go to sleep. Yeah, you've got yours coming in the mail :) Pipl.com is an excellent site.

I'm not an excellent sight (or site), so Imma take a shower and get moving.

MOVE OUT

O.o lol

See anything you like yet? Need help? :D

Yikes.

So I used MY own tracking code (which is much more detailed and efficient than LJ's...yeah I see you reading, asshole), and discovered a few interesting things. Yeah, you asshole, are one of them.

There is a guy whose page I had to translate, and who's also reading mine speaking of...well, world matters in a scary way. I'll leave it at that. Why he's reading this page is beyond me. But he's put forth a call to action of sorts, and it's frightening.

Too tired to deal with you crazy freakin' stalkers reading my page, and no, asshole, I'm not going to talk about you in here. You're not worth it, so scoot. Nothing to see here. Truly, you're not worth it.

Had an interesting psychological discussion, and now I really am tapped. No time to worry about who's reading, or what's going on...I need to try and sleep. I'll continue using my own code I wrote a long time ago for this journal so, no, you can't read it anonymously. I know who you are. Deal with that, coward.

Nite!

Who and where in the WORLD...

Okay. Who is reading from outside of this country? Hahaha. You guys are crazy, and I like that quality in a person. Usually. But when I think you're STILL HERE because of my slip-up on that other page, it's unnerving.

Where are you "tomorrow" readers from? It's 6/11/2019 here now. But I've got people reading on 6/12/2019.

Just when I thought TONIGHT couldn't get more exciting, it did! But it wasn't a fun exciting, and nothing I'll remember past tomorrow (okay - might take me a week and a journal entry to get that out of my system). Too tired from today's crazed activities. But, as always, I find the humor in that nasty lil situation, and turn it into a journal entry! Woo! I'll try to be nice, if I even get into it here. I am, after all, in my journal now, where I can say and do wthever I want. I did a good job at biting my tongue for the most part, but in HERE...that's not gonna happen (as all the old readers know...;) ). So much for that great sleep I thought I'd be getting. Now I'm watching "Lucifer" (seems apropos after today), and for some reason, it's not boring me to tears as it usually does.

And where are YOU, mariamoonviolin?

Stay cozy.

I heard it on the ra-di-o...

So it did get exciting, as I was called in as a guest to a station in Cali to discuss co-parenting and a father's importance in his child's life.

I've officially lost my voice. All my friends will be happy about this. Hahahha. No, it was a great session, good people, good questions and callers. I was also asked last week by the website's host to go back with them and host the forum/write articles again. It was really stressful before, me being an empath. I'd take it all to heart, and it would keep me up at night. We did, however, win the Golden Web Award, and that's something. So if we're helping, maybe it wouldn't hurt to jump in again and try to contain my emotions over those with whom I counsel.

K. Worn out. Time for me to chill.

The freakin' list

Although I got a shockingly good amount of sleep last night, despite my being busy yesterday, once again, I'm awake past my normal nap time full of energy. I started taking some of my friend's vitamins (who would've thunk?) and I'm just...not...tired.

So today, I've done some things, more things that I usually do in one day, and which I won't list all of. But I've cooked, done all dishes, three loads of laundry, linens, cleaned bathroom, talked about photography with a photographer and a non-photographer, looked at my lightbox photos, put lamp together, got my makeup mirror fixed (yay!), have separated 48329408902 parts that will be my wardrobe (but I still haven't assembled it), dusted, vacuumed...the list goes on and on.

Although there was a very philosophical discussion thrown in, I won't get into that, either. Not enough time nor room. My numbers are back to almost-normal, so I'll peek out and see if it stays this way. I haven't eaten today, so I need to get on that, too.

You journalers, and friends 'o mine, need to try journaling again. :) It would be nice to see your lovely faces, even for a day. As you can see, I'm like an old bicycle that needs WD40, a new paint job, new wheels, new brakes...because this isn't coming as easy as it used to, nor am I as interested in sharing all that I did. Boo.

That is all.

Ahhhh

That's more like it. Curiosity gone, numbers semi-normal. I'd hate to have to keep making private entries.

Woops.

I just deleted over 100 messages without reading them. O.o They didn't used to show up like that! El Jay has changed a lot since I was a regular. Sorry to those who messaged and never got a response! lol It was an honest mistake.

BANNED!

Oooo, I just had my first person banned from El Jay for copying a lot of my journal. I know, right? Snorefest. But somehow, he/she got it in their heads that to copy mine would be a great idea. That'll teach them. I'm so glad El Jay keeps up with our questions, and takes care of our issues swiftly.

I was hoping stats would go down today, but there are six times as many page views as before. I REALLY don't want to lock this journal down. Would it be too much for me to ask nicely that you Fakebook people stay away, unless you plan on joining? Admit it - you don't even know how to navigate this.

Interestingly enough, I got curious, and went to January of this year (and subsequent months), and discovered that sure enough, people STILL read when I'm not journaling. And I don't think they even know how to get to the good stuff. BUT...I'd like to rekindle my old interest in this, and not fret over which hater is going to get stupid in here (even though their comments will never see the light of day). They're not reading it to be kind - or else they'd <3 the entries. They're here out of hateful curiosity I think, and that's the wrong reason. HOWEVER...if they DO keep it up, imagine the money I could make advertising in here? So maybe you Fakebookers should go ahead, read away! No...I'd rather not make any money and enjoy journaling. I'll just continue to keep personal stuff locked for friend's only, and again, politely ask that you guys stay away.

Any other of my LJ friends using this anymore? I have a lot of friends, but haven't seen you using yours lately. Would like to hear from old buddies. :)

Strep

Medicine's not strong enough, and I'm getting sicker by the minute. I feel AWFUL. This sucks.

Okay. Doc called in higher antibiotics and crap and this is supposed to work. I hope so. Blah.

Pssst nsingman ... hahahaha!

This boob's for you!

no title

Sleep, where art thou?

Although we had a nice rainfall last night, I still wasn't comfortable enough to sleep. So instead, I started watching a series of the X Factor, and we all know how THAT goes. I'm still watching it. O.o Today's gonna be rough, but hopefully I'll get a good nap in this morning.

A friend showed me a great little site for looking people up. I was a little shocked at what all it revealed; but today, I'll spend a bit of time looking up some things. :) Always hire and friend people smarter than you. And if you think you're the smartest, you've been hanging around the wrong people.

After my last fall, I still have black and green bruises on my arm, chest, both legs (knees) and left foot. :/ I'm worried that I'll never be able to make it to another doctor's appointment, now that they've changed the rules. This government is crumbling, and I am one of the members of the fallout. To bitch about it would be a waste of time, however, and there's always today, eh?

I can be secure in the fact that NO ONE is able to look up my phone number in any way now that I've moved. Even Google Maps shows the wrong place when you look it up (if you have the addy). Muhahahaha. So that stops Stupid #2 from calling me from the hospital every other day. I tried to get Stupid #1 to talk to Stupid #2, but he obviously doesn't care that she calls. Yes, they shall hereinafter be referred to as Stupid #1 and Stupid #2. Everyone has a nickname in my LJ Land. So the phone is blissfully silent, for the most part, since very few have the number. I'm going to keep it that way. I did try to give it to my bio-mom through her husband online, but I think he just didn't give it to her. Oh, well. It was a courtesy move. Thanks to that psychopath, I lost all of my phone numbers O.o Boo.

I have strep right now, and am supposed to be in bed getting better. O.o That's not working out for me, at least not yet. After this entry, I'll give it another try. The horse pills the doc gave me get stuck in my throat. The joy!

And AGAIN, why are you here?! As you can see, there's nothing exciting going on in here, yet you're still visiting. WTH. Maybe you're bored with all the news stories on your feed, and think I'm about to drop something secret and profound. Hahahaha. No. Move along.

I'm boring myself now

We finally had rain last night, which is always a mixed blessing for me. I'll take the good, and ignore the bad this time. And for some crazy reason, all.night.long I got these anonymous phone calls, where they'd let it ring once, then hang up. NO ONE KNOWS THIS NUMBER except for a couple of friends and one wacko. Let's all guess who the calls came from? Nah...let's don't.

I have a lot to do today, and no motivation to do it. At some point, I have to get started taking notes on classes for each book of the Bible. It's a 400 hour job, and I'm not real excited to get started. Ah well...that's how work goes sometimes.

WHY ARE SO MANY PEOPLE READING THIS JOURNAL? Was it because I accidentally dropped my address on Fakebook? If so, you guys aren't invited to the party. If the numbers stay the way they are, I'm going to lock this sucker down. I don't need a bunch of freaks and haters here, where I should find literary shelter.

I have to admit, staying off of Fakebook yesterday was such a relief. No more 45 posts, no political garbage, none of the bickering back and forth that has become the norm of that platform. It makes me physically ill. I'm so glad I can read my friends HERE and not see that crap.

I was too uncomfortable to sleep last night, so looks like today I'll be napping. O.o This goes against my planned events schedule (hahahaha), but you have to get sleep when you can.

See? All you lurkers are here for nothing. Hopefully, this entry will bore you to tears, and you won't come back.

Something spooky's going on around here

But I'm not surprised.

This is life, eh? At first, it didn't think my IP was valid (?). Then it said the URL I used wasn't correct (to reset my password) yet here I am.

Any of you other users having these problems? I *think* I know from where this trouble comes, and if I'm right - after going through my tracking code - someone's life is going to drastically change and not in a good way.

Right now, I'm just testing my journal. And what is that little heart underneath here for?? O.o

Creepers

Soooooo...I did look in on this page today, to see if I was right about accidentally posting my journal name in a comment on Fakebook, and sure enough, I have phenomenal traffic pouring in. YOU GUYS LIKE WHAT YOU'RE READING? I'M NOT SHY IN HERE.

Even more baffling, though, are the stats for last month. Hundreds came in on one day, and continued visiting afterwards. Whether it's my dreaded crazy ass family, a stalker, or just some bored journal readers, I can't be sure. I AM sure that I don't like it. If the numbers continue to escalate, I'll lock this down for friends only. I never want my Fakebook world to collide with this one. It would cheapen the journaling experience altogether. For that reason alone, I won't journal about my freakin' stalker and the details thereof. But again, another freaky thing is going on - I'm getting hundreds of friend requests since yesterday. I think I have it figured out, and the couple I did add back had mutual (good) friends. But hundreds? That's just stupid.

Gonna keep this short and sweet, since I have this lovely headache. And I'm praying to GOD it goes away soon. I'm not supposed to take Iboprofin, but I had to today.

That's all, folks! Go stalk someone else.

LJ 20th anniversary

You can get your own card here!

Tags:

Birth family

I'm tired; so I won't get into details. But I found my immediate family on January 17. I'll post all about it when I'm lucid. I realize that a lot of my adopted family reads this, so unfortunately I'll have to keep a look out for crazy comments.

This is short and sweet. Just felt the need to start documenting now.


Woah

What happened to LJ while I was gone? I'm finding it nearly impossible to navigate around here. I've asked a couple of you to help, so we'll see if I can fix it.

Nothing much to say. I did talk to my daughter tonight, and almost cried. Long story. Then again, the past few years have been a long story. Perhaps I should start journaling again.

Oh hai!

Wow. So I've seen a lot of friend requests (God only knows why) and some gifts you guys sent. I'm sorry it took me so long to get to them. We all know I've lost my zest for journaling, and for that, dear readers, I apologize. My family kinda killed that whole loving feeling.

Lots has been going on, I just don't have that spark to update with it. Kelsey's GROWN now and taking better care of me than I, she. My Social Security hearing is coming up this month and I'm sick with worry over it.

My worst stalker has finally departed this mortal coil, so I don't have to worry about THAT anymore. It's a shame she had to die, but I'm glad I won't keep getting hit with her nastiness.

Someone side-swiped the funmobile, so I'm pissed.

What else to say? So much, but no time to do it. I hope this finds all of you happy and well :) You can always keep track of my feeble Facebook if you just want to read crap from me. I rarely updated there, except to plant a line or two.

Anything new going on that I need to be aware of? :D

Wow

How could I have just slammed the brakes on such a busy journal without a fair reason?

Sorry, LiveJournal. I have missed you, if it's any consolation.

Welllllll allllrighty then

I've read my friend's list briefly and it's so joyous to know that my serial killers group is posting like there's no manana. WTH. You guys get busy!!! Hahahaha.

Woops

ACK. I just lost an entire entry.

It wasn't anything worth reading, but still. :D

It's been 14 weeks since I last updated. A FAR cry from my more-than-daily rantings I've typically written since 2002. It's a shame that a handful of people reading have stopped my interest in journaling. I often NEED this outlet (right now is a good time, no less) for some of the stress and general unhappiness I feel these days (no, no, I'm not gonna need cheese with my whine).

It's nice, however, to know someone is thinking about you and wondering how you are. Thanks, Paradoxymoron. You're a good guy despite what others say. Ha :) Joking, of course.

Just popping in...

...to wish dawna a MOST wonderful birthday today!! You're one of the best people on my list, and have been for many years. I hope today is everything it should be for you and that your family makes you a great big cake. Yum. :D

(((love and hugs)))

First Day

Today's the first day at my new job. I slept one hour and can't decide what to wear.

What happened to my emoticons? Mandy? Eh?

Greaaaaaat.

Gads

So I've been reading my friends' pages and it's true - they no longer journal, just as I no longer do.

I need to start writing every uninteresting event which occurs. If I can't read you guys, I suppose I can always go back and read myself.

Today was another auction day, and I won't expound on that. Kelsey had to go to work early this morning, and has school tomorrow, so I'm hoping between now and then, she'll finally get some sleep.

We also won't discuss her driving and how many cars she's been through. I'm an excellent driver, so we can't blame this on /me/. :> I'm just glad she's safe each time.

I'm having trouble with a lot of neighbors who find "my yard" the perfect area for their freakin' dogs to do their business. I don't know what it is about this lot - besides my rock of power - but I'm sick to death of tromping through dog shit to get to the laundry, and have made it a point to SIGH and COUGH loudly when they're around. Mitzy's owner is about 7389473289 years' old and thrice daily screams C'MON LET'S GO, as if Mitzy speaks English. HELLO BUDDY, BUT THEY HEAR YA IN ETHIOPIA; DO YOU HAVE TO KEEP SCREAMING COMMANDS IN /MY/ YARD? I'm /really/ tired of him. Since I am, however, a dog lover, I resist any type of serious revenge, like OH I DUNNO RAT POISON? Can't blame the animal for the owner's stupidity, eh?

Nevertheless and despite what I'm saying, today's a fairly good day for me. It seems like the cold I've been fighting is almost gone, and I actually got a good night's sleep last night. Miracles never cease, especially when you're looking for them.

NOTE TO FRIENDS WHO READ THIS: Pleaaaaaase start updating. Maybe we can all inspire each other to write, eh? I'll try to keep up if you guys do. My friend's list is like a ghost town. I'm happy to see, however, that one of my formerly quiet friends is updating seriously. :D He's a good writer, so I enjoy his entries. And as usual, Ayoub and Writerwench are keeping up with their daily goings-on, too, with all the birthdays and phone calls and meals :D :D Everyone else seems to be quiet. Did Live Journal just become too boring, or were we all disgusted with anonymous comments? Hmm.

I really should do some work today, but am totally unmotivated. I'm through with today right NOW and plan on elevating my right leg and watching movies on Netflix for the rest of today. Those movies, however, only go so far...I think I've watched all the highly-rated movies, and now it's slim pickins'.

Here's a recent pic, for those who haven't seen me in ages. And this was AFTER a hair cut. Yikes.
 



And that's about all for today, or for now. :> Be cool and remember that if I can update with nothing to say, surely you guys can, so that I may live vicariously through you :D

Wow

Remember the days when I used to use this thing? I can't imagine writing down daily occurrences now. Seems like my friends have stopped, too (most of 'em).

Six days before my birthday

...and I'm clearly hard at work...



...and freaking out because my pic is being taken...grRrrr



I think it's fair to say that I'm grossly neglecting my journal these days. The least I can do is post recent pics, eh? Mkay, maybe not a hot idea.

Sank you

A big thanks to farranger. I really needed that today after yesterday's hellish events.

<3

Journal? Life? What journal and life?

So much has gone on, significant things, and I've completely stopped journaling which is strange.

What I also realized this morning - and plan on rectifying - is the fact that besides one person, I talk to NO ONE on a regular basis. And failing to be able to contact one person with whom I talk to often, it stiffens my new resolve to get out there and reacquaint myself with friends. I've completely lost all of my male friends (which is stupid), and today I'm going to start working on building those relationships back up. It's ridiculous to isolate myself the way I have, in here and in real life.

Kelsey just graduated, and I'm unusually sad about this. They've already made the post-high-school trip to Florida, and are planning on another quick one in between Kelsey's job and school.

Life has been crazy despite its lack of people. Having Kelsey graduate, I need to rediscover who I am again. I can busy myself up with the help of my spawnlette. Last night on her way home, she stopped by and picked up Krispy Kreme. Yum. I haven't had those doughnuts in about five years. The odd thing is I was JUST telling someone that the other day and boom! She reads my mind.

Kelsey plans on starting college this fall, for those who might be interested. She works at Delia's right now, and is doing wonderful. She got employee of the month twice in a row, and received bonuses as a result. I'm very proud of her for not resting on her proverbial laurels.

The looming decision about social security has risen its head, and the statutes of limitation are almost out for filing. I feel like I have no more life in me, and that things are being stopped for a reason. Also, this is the time of year my parents died, so it's a rough time for me right now.

Of course, there's no point to this entry and I've not included ALL the things or even a good bit of the things going on right now. Maybe I'll start making an effort to at least journal occasionally.

Occurrences and dreams

I had the Amadeus-watching-during-the-rain on a weekend dream last night. Only one person will get this, and when you do, call me. I have something of yours. :>

Hahaha...a journalistic surprise

Gotta love those bald guys...

I don't care how they groove it up...

...but a Hyundai is still a Hyundai and not a BMW. Nice try, though, yakawobi san.

A poet, ya know it

Kelsey's now ex-boyfriend texted her Shakespeare's entire Sonnet 90 this weekend in a sweet but pathetic bid to win back her affections.

Um...it didn't work. She's enamoured with her ex-boyfriend Seth, but claims that she'll end up marrying sonnet boy one day.

Go figure.

:D

I hope you have a wonderful birthday, ayoub!!!!!! :) You are most deserving. Maybe your mom will whip up some fancy dessert for ya! :)

Woo!

Dear God:

Thank you for that one. It saved me from having to do it first, and nobody likes a narc or hypocrite.

Karma on my friends page is now good.

Bad is gone.

Yay!

Lady Gaga meets Fifth Element

Dunno why, but this is the #1 most played You-Tube music vid ever. It's freaky, but I've seen freakier. The music itself is simply average. :>

Snagged by ayoub

01. Post these rules.
02. Each tagged person must post Ten Things on their journal.
03. At the end, you have to choose and tag no more than 10 people.

TEN things about me:

1. I'm completely impatient
2. I dream (and remember the last one) every night, and they're freaky
3. I unequivocally love my daughter
4. I /could/ be a lil ADHD
5. My entire closet is almost all black/white clothing
6. I think idiots are purposefully trying to raise my ire in traffic
7. I forgive too quickly
8. I just chopped off about six inches of hair
9. I need to work more
10. I need to keep correspondence flowing with old friends who try.

TEN things you wish you could say to TEN different people right now:

1. I love you :)
2. You are lost in your own crazy head. Get out.
3. I'm glad you're gone. :>
4. Karma is gonna get ya.
5. I still think of you daily.
6. You're the best friend ever and I'm lucky.
7. I miss you so much.
8. I wish the three of us could backpack across Europe :)
9. No one /cares/ if you don't comment, so stop making such an inane comment.
10. Vegas, same time, this year. lol

Not all are on LJ...<---same, but some are

TEN ways to win your heart:

1. Don't correct me. I research thoroughly and ain't stoopid.
2. Surprise me :)
3. Keep me interested
4. Mutual respect
5. Show me something new :D
6. Be rude in traffic. It's the law.
7. Adore my kid <--agree
8. Share secrets with me
9. Be concerned
10. Love/Like me back

TEN people who mean a lot at the moment:

1. Kelsey
2. Pete
3. Scott
4. Nan
5. Mike
6. Penny
7. Rose Marie
8. Donna
9. Linda
10. That one chick at the quick mart :D

TEN songs that you listen to often lately:

1. ABC - ABC
2. Boys and Girls - Bryan Ferry
3. I Go Crazy - Paul Davis
4. Tear You Apart - She Wants Revenge (A to D)
5. Rock That Body - Black Eyed Peas
6. If You're Gone - Matchbox 20
7. Woman In Chains - Tears For Fears
8. The Killing Moon - Echo and the Bunnymen
9. Rock Lobster - B52s
10. Sadeness - Enigma

I tag everyone on my list (since most are now inactive, there should be about 20 of ya).

One out of 104834839204802





Since I'm pressed for time, I managed to upload a couple of prom pictures, but no time to work with them or post them here. I have pink eye, due to having eight girls here, the dust, perfume and sparkles floating around my house and change of seasons. Yay. It feels like someone slammed the corner of a cabinet into the side of my face.

This one doesn't count, since it's moi with pinkeye. lol




She's growing up so fast *cries*. She got employee of the week last week. I'm so proud of her. I'm a lucky mom, indeed. Of course, I'm not going to journal the near-tragedy of prom night or who caused it. I just hate that Kelsey had to go through that on such an important night.

Okay. Can't take the monitor. I need an eye patch.

Fishy



Your T-Shirt Says You're Thoughtful



You're the type of person who will make a splash when you're ready to, but you don't like to be pushed.

You are secretly subversive and a lot more rebellious than people realize. You question everything.



You are stubborn and it's hard to talk you into doing anything. You like to remain self sufficient and independent.

You are persistent and have a lot of endurance. If a job is worth doing, you'll make sure you get it done.




Of course, there were only four choices, so this one's too easy for freaks to cheat on. If you feel compelled to retake a quiz just for different result, I'm thinking the quiz is your smallest problem in life. *cough*

Been up since 1 a.m. and this time, instead of reading all night I decided to do a little nesting and cleaned the entire house, including the refrigerator. All little trash bags are emptied, no more dust, cushions all fluffed, linens changed, laundry still going. WTH. I'm going to be sore as hell by this afternoon or tomorrow.

And on that note, I shall now attempt to take a nap. I'm on some other country's time zone or something.

Oh and by the way (danger ahead)

Nobody...NOBODY can blackmail me to be all EXTRA nice to them simply because they feel some type of entitlement since I'm on their friend's list.

And since most of the people I know on my friend's list (no kidding, and this is freaky) with this fugged healthcare thing, I expect them to STOP BITCHING ABOUT SOMETHING THAT IS NOW AND SHOULD'VE ALWAYS BEEN AVAILABLE TO YOU, SINCE YOU'RE ON SSI OR SOME OTHER GOVERNMENT 'HELP'. I have a couple of friends - like me - who receive some type of government assistance (I get the V.A., they get SS, etc.), and yet they claim to be deathly ill and not be able to afford healthcare and are sitting at home. WHAT THE SHIT, FRIENDS? IF YOU'RE THAT SICK, USE THOSE TAX DOLLARS. IT DIDN'T STOP YOU FROM GETTING MEDS, DID IT? Also, even though I go to the V.A., I paid my dues in the military, almost died in the service of my country, and pay the same taxes as everyone else. So yes, I have the right to bitch because I'm SOOOOOOOO SICK of "the others". And I can be, because this is my journal.

I'm sicker than any dog in my pack, but at least I can make it through an entire entry without whining like a bleeding...um...you know what about it.

</mini-rant

WTH Mother Natures?

After enjoying a week of 75 degree weather, today calls for snow flurries.

WTSMAKEITSTOPALREADYANDWHATABOUTGLOBALWARMING?!

Look, something new - a quiz! Heh



You Persuade People Through Emotion



You hate to admit it, but people make decisions with their hearts. Their heads don't play much role in the equation.

So even though you are cool headed, you know you have to be warm hearted in order to convince people you're right.



You craft your words carefully. You speak to inspire, motivate, and stir up emotions.

You know that once someone wants to be on your side, they'll figure out their own reasons for why.


Things I've Learned

Things I've Learned:

... that you can do something in an instant that will give you heartache for life.

... that we shouldn't try to change friends or those we love, but understand that they can and will change.

... that true friendship will grow, even over the longest distance.

... that it IS taking me a long time to become the person I want to be... It takes constant effort and I am no where near being completed.

... that you should always leave people with kind words. It may be the last time you see them, and you can't take back anything.

... that you can keep going long after you think you can't.

... that we are responsible for what we do, no matter how we feel.

... that either you control your attitude or it controls you. And it's better to control it than live with the regrets it causes if you do not.

... that sometimes when I'm angry I have the right to be angry, but that doesn't give me the right to be cruel or act ugly.

... that maturity is how you have dealt with life and what you've learned and less to do with how many birthdays you've celebrated.

... that it isn't always enough to be forgiven by others. Sometimes you have to learn to forgive yourself- easier said than done, most of the time.

... that no matter how good a friend is, they're going to hurt you every once in a while and you need to forgive them for whatever they do, bearing in mind that you'll hurt your friends too... sometimes without even knowing it.

... that no matter how badly your heart is broken, the world will not stop for your sorrow.

... that our background and circumstances may influence who we are, but we are responsible for who we become.

... two people can look at the exact same thing and yet see something totally different than each other.

... that even when you think you have no more to give, when a loved one cries out to you, you will find the strength to help.

... that laughter is contagious, compassion hurts you as others are hurting, sometimes you need a hug when you don't really want it, and it's ok to be silly.

...that your very best friends will hold on to you with both hands while you are fighting and trying with all your might to push them away because you are deeply hurting.

... that you shouldn't be eager to find out a secret. It could change your life in ways you won't like.

... the biggest room in the world is the room for improvement, and it's a journey to get there.

... that others can motivate you to take a very close look at yourself, and they may not even realize they have done so.

... that the people you care about most in life leave all too soon.

...that people are too quick to condemn, yet want grace and forgiveness when they make the same mistakes.

Ha

I'm sure it was the gross ass comment I made.

Success!
Anyway. So the deathmobile's water pump's definitely gotta wait, due to an unexpected and grueling dental incident that was taken care of yesterday. I drove home on a floating cloud of gas and lortab, and it's a wonder I'm still around to talk about it. At least /now/, I'll never have another dental problem ever, since this was the last root canal that needed to be done.

Today was the polar opposite of yesterday's hell. Kelsey decided - on her dad's weekend visit - that she wanted to come over here and eat lunch and watch a movie with me. I cooked my famous spaghetti with meatballs and we watched The Fountain. When she left, I cried. How often does a teen WANT to be with a parent instead of with their friends?

I feel like the luckiest mom in the world right now.

A quizzard

C'mon ... I haven't done this in awhile, and they pop up in my mailbox ;p



You Are Together and Wise



You have a broad, mature outlook on life. You know that there are ups and downs, and you feel like you can weather them.



You have a few friends and family members that you are especially close to. You can count on them to be there for you.



You feel relieved about your past and those you have loved. You are happy to be moving on with the future.



You succeed by pacing yourself. You realize that all that matters is the long run, and you aim to persevere.


Freaky Dream Song

Eww. I just remembered that right before I woke up, in the middle of a dream, the song "Lonely Nights" by (hang on to your hats...most of you won't know who this is) The Captain and Tenille was playing. In my dream. So all day today, that song has repeatedly been playing in my head. WTSBRAIN.

Loneeeeeelyyyyy nigghhhhhhtssssss...I cried myself to sleeeepppp...tell me what am I gonna do...

</singing it

Twiddling my thumbs

So I run into this blog and start reading yesterday, when it occurred to me that this person IS ME just in another body. But every word, turn-of-phrase, OMGSCREAMING and thought process (even regarding her children) were identical to mine.

Her blog, I might add, is highly successful and so she does talk a lot about her trolls (as I'm wont to do, as well).

It occurs to me that maybe - all those years' ago when I had a column - I should've kept it going. I really missed the boat when mine was sailing pretty good. Now I'm stuck reading what I /should've/ written over the past 20 years.

Eh. I blame it on plain ole writer's procrastination (in my case it's lasted for years). Or bad marriages which consumed 438498309420% of my time and effort.

But I /know/ that my talent is equal to hers and feel that I've squandered the good will of those who DID use to faithfully read me (and this would include the I hate Terri club, as well) with these droll and scant scribblings I'm writing these days.

I feel there's nothing to write for anyone else's interest, but by reading her blog, I realize that this is not true.

Still - I don't see me hopping back on the writing horse as happily as I did in 2002 and start writing prolific entries any time soon, so don't get all excited. It'll remain, most likely, as boring as it is right now. And that'll teach ya for reading me.

It has to be said

Hhaaaaaaaaaaahahahahahaha.

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Creeping Through The Cellar Door

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Words.

Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.

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