I have a new doctor (actually, a team of them). Confidence is now restored, and am more optimistic.
She's extremely powerful, and can rally even the evil head of pharmacy with one phone call to do her bidding. She's concerned and really wants to try and make life tolerable for me in /all/ ways, and is older than 15. It helps. Instead of the in-patient route -- which I really REALLY didn't want -- we're going for daily treatments/tests, which will begin, or did begin today. Dunno when it'll stop, but now I have to go on temporary, 100% disability (she thinks so...I need to see if that's feasible).
It feels like a huge weight has been lifted, and maybe there is hope.
Thank GOD for PHd. It could've been /his/ letters to senators, and those who WOULD be state senators, that forced the V.A. into serious action. He also took the day off just to be with me and help. I don't know that I'll ever be able to repay him for every kindness he's shown me, and I'm so lucky to have friends just like him.
I'm tired after all that occurred today, and doctor's orders -- get sleep now, for tomorrow we begin. Eep. I got a great night's sleep last night, and will hopefully enjoy the same tonight. God knows I've spent a solid two weeks doing nothing but worry. It's not only showing, but I feel it, too.
And for those who love to hate me, SORRY. I'M STILL HERE. Heh ;-) Not only am I here, but the issue of my PTSD, which has gone pretty much untreated, was not just mentioned today, but wasn't treated when it should've been. Which means if I, say, go crazy and kill someone in traffic, I'd probably get off with a warning, basically. So if I was you, I'd watch out for me. I have license to ill right now, which would include your face and my baseball bat, and THEN me getting off the hook because, well, I've lived through things not many would've survived.
Brang it. Because I think my anger FAR outweighs my depression at this lil point in life. Oh wait...I forgot -- you're too scared to reveal your real identity when you write (which is why nobody else gets to see the joy of your spiteful comments...). Coward. You already WERE scared, but I'm giving you another reason. ;-)
That is all.