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Alabama LJer Shocker ... heh

Sweet Home...Alabama?

Early morning mistake
Out of serious morbid curiousity, and also procrastination (ducking, running, hiding), I browsed the directory by location. There are more than 4,000 LJ users in Alabama, more than 700 of whom dwell in Boringham. This is frightening for many reasons on different levels. I also got to purview their loverly icons, and yes, a couple of yernals. :D YEAH BABY. THIS IS ALABAMA.

Ever wonder why no one evah talks to you, no responses are gotten, no one visits? I found the Alabama reasons! Heh.

1. If you don't have all your teeth, don't post a picture of you laughing.

2. Never ever have your headshot taken in front of cheap, brown-paneled walls. Never. Ever. I don't care if you're a stud muffin; the wall depreciates your man-value by at LEAST 40 good I.Q. points.

3. If you drive a redneck BMW, don't POSE by it. Some of us graduated highschool.

4. The rebel flag is okay, in some situations. But does it have to be your mantra? *cough*

5. I remember when I had my first beer. But I didn't advertise it *cough*.

6. If you're gonna be a drunk, do so in private; there's no need to prove the rest of the world right when allllll you write about is your drinking orgy the night before (while you're still drunk, no less). :)

7. Okay, you're a ho and proud. But PLEASE for the LOVE OF GOD, take 'Birmingham' out of our ability to search for you. Carry on.

8. While being a carpenter is what Jesus did, and it's even better than being unemployed, I'm not thinking very many women will see the correlation between your 'job description' and your desire to keep a journal. (Explanation as to why you only list yourself as your friend...er...that's sad).

9. If you live in a shanty, that's cool. Okay, it might not be cool if your porch collapses and kills five dogs. But do you honestly think taking a picture with all 500 lbs. of you in front of the shanty will "Win Friends and Influence Pee-Pal?" No.

10. We all get sad, and overdo it sometimes in an effort to 'find peace.' But usually, we keep the illegal stuff to ourselves. Unless you live in Alaska, I'm thinking you need to keep your Scooby Snacks private.

11. What's that? You're "Goth"? Please define this for me (once and for all) and quit the charade. In the '80s, it was called Mod. Why you gotta go changin' shiite? Just because you wear black doesn't mean you're a vampire, nor does it mean you have license to run around killing pee-pal (that's my job). Cut the goth crap already, or at least give a good explanation of how you mutated here.

12. It's Saturday night, and once again (not by your choice) you don't have a date or any friends to hang out with. Unless you're a hermit, you should seriously consider what it is you're doing to turn everyone off. The next, and most obvious, question is "Why do you want to tell us how miserable you are? Even *I* keep my seriously depressing shiite in private posts only. Is this an Alabama thing?!?

13. Remember back during the Alabama room of AOL days, when someone would get so stupid they'd say: "That does it! I'm leaving and never ever coming back!"? It seems Alabamians still do this, only now it's in LJ. Okay, leave already and stop talking about it. It's probably because no one cares anyway. Whining about it makes you look infantile and muy estupido.

...and last but certainly not least...

14. If any of your dearly departed relatives' last words were "Look here, ya'll...watch THIS!" we REALLY don't need to hear details of that doomsday tragedy.

And if you don't like it...you can...um, bite me. Yeah, that's it. Born and raised here, I've traveled more than six blocks from my hometown and have discovered the world around me. Alabama is kinda funky these days. I'll blame it on the 'all others' who've found homes here. Enough procrastination. We outta here.


Mar. 17th, 2003 10:58 am (UTC)
things I want to do before I die
I would really like to watch how a turtle necker cleans his sweater.. I'm curious as to the process.
Mar. 17th, 2003 11:00 am (UTC)
falling outta chair once again

That would be a neat trick; however, I don't think that ever occurs in the turtle necker's crib. :) Do you?! :) I'd extrapolate but that would just make me...miserable or something.

*spanking self*
Mar. 17th, 2003 11:07 am (UTC)
holding in my pee so I won't have to pull down my hose
I wouldn't mind being a fly on the wall of an obsessively clean guy...
When they aren't aware that anyone's around,
I want to watch someone wash their monkey...
I bet they handle it with care.
I bet it's almost...

Mar. 17th, 2003 11:11 am (UTC)
Ode de Schlong
Man in question chooses nasty
over cleanly obsession
Hold your nose you must
Since he'll demand a six-inch spike
Preferably coming from your foot
Striking right on it til blood spews forth
His reminder of who's boss.
Would he wash it off? Never
He's the ultimate masochist
And this hurts so good
Don't deprive him of the scars he needs
To remind him of you tomorrow.
Mar. 17th, 2003 11:13 am (UTC)
Terrie: (giving the who farted look)
Mar. 17th, 2003 11:15 am (UTC)
Since goth didn't work for you...
Roses are red
And sometimes blue
And that schlong is hidden
From me and you.

Mar. 17th, 2003 11:16 am (UTC)
Marilyn Manson is my baby daddy
so Ter?... have you ever spiked a ball?
Mar. 17th, 2003 11:20 am (UTC)
Marilyn Manson is my MAIN man, baybay :)
You know, Ter, I've had opportunity o-plenty to intentionally spike a ball; however, I can't seem to do it physically. I find emotional spiking to be so much more...poignant. Don't you?


Mar. 17th, 2003 11:24 am (UTC)
well, if they twist my tits like radio knobs, I can't promise I won't do the same to their man sacks.
Mar. 17th, 2003 11:27 am (UTC)
You ain't cool...unless you pee your pants
Baaaaa ha ha ha.

Er...I expect mines to be treated thusly (if I ever let anyone close to 'em, that is). C'mon Ter! You're not one of those "please play with my boobies cuz you're so gentle and sweet" kinda girls, are you?!

Mar. 17th, 2003 11:37 am (UTC)
here's what I like... virgins beware
well... my boobs are sensitive, if you can believe that, due to that cough surgery LOL
I don't mind them rubbing them, but twisting them and biting the shit out of them super hard does nothing for me. And even though it's sexy to see a tongue come down on one and flick it, I can't help but kinda giggle at how funny that looks upside down.

Receiving pleasure during sex: I like a thick cock pounding me hard... missionary, me on top, them from behind, don't care, I like to be taken like the guy can't stand to be OUTSIDE me...
When they're munching... I like that rough too... not "flick flick pansy petal kisses"... rub your face in it you bastard!

Giving pleasure during sex: I will need a deposit and a written consent before discussing that. Here's a hint...
I like to use fuzzy hand cuffs.

Mar. 17th, 2003 11:43 am (UTC)
Gaaaaaawd Ter. Are you tryin' to cybersex me? Baaa hahahahaha. I'm the exact opposite. Should I go into detail? I'll be happy to define "my" perfect encounter...*smirk*

Your typed consent will be necessary in order for me to post it. MUhahhaha
Mar. 17th, 2003 11:53 am (UTC)
consented consented!!!
do tell...
all the guys on here will be rubbing themselves within minutes.
Mar. 17th, 2003 11:56 am (UTC)



Eye see, Open your eyes
Creeping Through The Cellar Door

Latest Month

June 2019


Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.
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