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The urge

I'm fighting a serious urge to close my eyes, and drift off to sleep. It's so early, but I've had a hectic week.

This is exactly how I feel. Discombobulated and crazed. Woke up to a nice, misty sort of rain around 4 this morning. It felt like springtime in lieu of winter and wonder -- what's March going to bring? I have a feeling this is nature's sneaky way of lulling us into believing we'll have a mild winter.

So much going on in my life, and with my noodle all askew anyhoo, I'm having trouble reconciling my feelings, my head, my heart and my life. Everything seems at odds. Perhaps, again, my parents being gone has something to do with it. But with everything the way it is, I find I need balance.    Nothing...I mean nothing in my life is "normal" or "even-keeled" right now. I need this consistency, this peace of mind, this lack of chaos. I know I won't find it through another, and must pull myself up by the bootstraps, strap myself in, and start setting things straight. Just so many factors that have to be taken into consideration whether I like them or not. I certainly wouldn't wish my situation now on anyone else. Today, I feel overwhelmingly sad. I think part of this has to do with the spawnlette 'alienating' me. If she's not ignoring me entirely, she's being defiant. It makes me sad.

Yeah. This has turned into one helluva fun entry. I know better than to journal after the sun goes down, yet I still do it. Blah.

In semi-decent news, I accomplished quite a bit of writing today. For once, I'm actually pleased with the way things are turning out. Perhaps I've reached some level of maturity that allows me to accept my work for what it is without being too harsh and critical. Sadly, future generations won't fall back to hard copy, as literally everything is becoming digital. I, for one, like my hard copy. I had a bookstore giftcard that I used today and purchased Rape: A Love Story by Joyce Carol Oates, and Terrorist  by John Updike. I can't wait to get started on them. I've been an Updike fan since I first read the "Rabbit" series.

The spawnlette is in her room, downloading more tunage for her new iPod, and I'm about to curl up with a book. Hopefully, my mind will quieten, even if it's only for an hour or two.


( 14 whispered — Speak )
Dec. 28th, 2007 09:48 pm (UTC)
*Sends some good sleeping voodoo your way*
Relax, enjoy your book and get some sleep.

I was looking at your pick of Rape: A Love Story though and from the reveiws I think you might like Tabitha King's The Trap. It's almost on the smae theme and an easy read, although you get more out of it every time you read it.

Actually, all her books are good. Better than her husband and much more enjoyable to read.
Dec. 28th, 2007 10:00 pm (UTC)
Re: *Sends some good sleeping voodoo your way*
I hate to say this, but I read her first novel and couldn't stand it. Now, I won't read her at all. =/ I really am a book/author snob so it's hard to please me with one.

OH...and this is stupid -- every book on my Amazon wish list was NOWHERE to be found at the store. WTH?

Thank you for your good sleeping voodoo. I need it.
Dec. 29th, 2007 03:04 am (UTC)
bookstore giftcards are like one of the best presents EVER. yeah, have you seen that "kindle" thing that amazon is hawking? i like books held in my hand, the binding, the smell of the paper, the texture of the paper, how the typeface looks... digital is just... blah. hate reading ebooks. i love paper. do you love paper?

glad to hear it about the writing. i need to try and get some of that done myself since i start the jobby on monday.

sry to hear about the alienation. hey, i know a good bonding exercise... let her practice her driving!
Dec. 29th, 2007 11:49 am (UTC)
I think that's part of where her anger comes from, but she DID make a couple of really reckless moves when we last tried. I'm not going to give her what could be a gun or a needle of heroin. I mean, just this summer she was careless enough with my debit card so that the police had to show up and help her find it (let's not forget that). She's so far destroyed an iPod, a cellphone, a camera -- all of these things, bought with hard-earned money, destroyed. So I think I'm dealing with something altogether...different right now. Plus she just broke up with her boyfriend. *sigh* She said she doesn't know /why/...she just up and did it.?!?!

I love books. I can't get rid of /any/ of mine. I love cracking open an old one and smelling the paper, wondering who else read it and if they enjoyed it as much as I. I refuse to read a "digital book" even though I spend enough time on the 'net.

I hope you do start the jobby on Monday. I dunno about that woman.
Dec. 29th, 2007 02:15 pm (UTC)
i got "the phone call" yesterday, i start at 7 on monday. yay!

an author i like had the text of a forthcoming book available on his web site as a PDF file, so i just printed that sucker out. i've tried sitting there and scrolling down with the mouse or hitting the arrow forward buttons, its just not the same. of course i miss vinyl records and am glad that a lot of bands are starting to put their stuff on vinyl again
Dec. 29th, 2007 03:02 pm (UTC)
The preview of a book "see insides" won't allow you to read the entire book (or shouldn't). I still won't do it, and it's a waste of money to plint it (sirry boy). ;p

I'm glad they finally gave you a "real" time to start. Gah. You got a runaround on that dealio.
Dec. 29th, 2007 03:09 am (UTC)
Is your jaw all better now?
Dec. 29th, 2007 11:54 am (UTC)
Totally, completely healed. You can see it in the pic. I've gained a good 10 lbs., and it shows on my face. I likkkkkkkkkkke it. :)
Dec. 29th, 2007 03:07 pm (UTC)
I thought so! You're looking good these days!
Dec. 29th, 2007 04:59 pm (UTC)
That's what they say; but I'm a little self-conscious about it. Perhaps I /was/ anorexic and didn't realize it until I started, er, eating.
Dec. 29th, 2007 11:32 pm (UTC)
Joyce Carol Oates rocks. I'm currently re-reading The Mysteries of Winterthurn. I love most (almost all) of her books and short stories, but especially the books she wrote in this similar bent: Bellefleur, A Bloodsmoor Romance.

Have you read Updike's The Witches of Eastwick? I quote some of the phrases he wrote in that book daily.
Dec. 30th, 2007 12:40 pm (UTC)
Of course I've read it! :D I'm only behind a couple of years (2004-date). That was one of my favorites. That, and the Rabbit series.

I haven't read Oates in a long time, so I figured now is as good a time as any to catch up. I was looking for Vivien Eliot's story (forget the name of the book), but of course they didn't have it. I'm going to have to get that from my Amazon wish list. They also didn't have any Anais Nin (I looked /everywhere/ for the Nin and Miller book). Books-a-zillion is woefully lacking in some of the best works.
Dec. 30th, 2007 05:01 pm (UTC)
I hate it when you can't get a book you want, when you want!

Have you read Oates' Black Water? It was my first and most favorite.
Dec. 30th, 2007 05:15 pm (UTC)
Yes, I have! It's also my favorite of hers :)
( 14 whispered — Speak )


Creeping Through The Cellar Door
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Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.
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