Creeping Through The Cellar Door (none_too_subtle) wrote,
Creeping Through The Cellar Door
none_too_subtle

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LJ Martyrs...UNITE! Folllooooowww Meeee <---Joan of Arc (the movie)

The ever-feared list! Quiz Diva will most likely steal it (like the LJ Addict thing); C'est la vie!

Joan de Arc, er, you I mean



Author's note: This was a spontaneous piece I had to write whilst feeling sorry for myself, of course. I ain't the happiest camper in the world, nor do I seem so in here. The beauty, though, is that most of my sorrow is saved for my private journal. (Uh...this kinda makes me a martyr.) We realize that everyone goes through hell and needs friendly support. I have real life friends who are wheelchair bound for the rest of their lives; but talking with them in HERE, you'd never know it. I know those who have survived the worst kinds of hell, and NEVER mention it. Those would be 'heroes'. One of my very best friends is a quadropolegic, will never make love to a woman, will never get married, and has to type with a pencil eraser...but not ONCE does he complain about it when we chat. However...in HERE, some seem to go through it every day and share it with everyone for reasons that will forever go unexplained. ENOUGH PEE-PAL. While the author isn't entirely unsympathetic with the below-described, she realizes that many people are bed-ridden (but don't talk about it...and now, talking about herself in third person). If you're easily offended, don't read this list. Heh.

*~*~Ain't no steppin' program gonna help you NOW~*~*

By definition:
Martyr : noun
in Entry: [1]mar·tyr
Pronunciation: 'mär-t&r
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English, from Late Latin, from Greek martyr-, martys, literally, witness
Date: before 12th century
1 : a person who voluntarily suffers death as the penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion
2 : a person who sacrifices something of great value and sometimes life itself for the sake of getting attention
3 : VICTIM; especially : a great or constant sufferer
[Error: Irreparable invalid markup ('<a [...] j.>') in entry. Owner must fix manually. Raw contents below.]

The ever-feared list! Quiz Diva will most likely steal it (like the LJ Addict thing); C'est la vie!
<img src="http:\\hometown.aol.com/tbastedo/images/joanofarc.gif">
<b>Joan de Arc, er, you I mean</b>

<lj-cut text="LJ Martyrism and You...Symptoms">

<b>Author's note: This was a spontaneous piece I had to write whilst feeling sorry for myself, of course. I ain't the happiest camper in the world, nor do I seem so in here. The beauty, though, is that most of my sorrow is saved for my private journal. (Uh...this kinda makes me a martyr.) We realize that everyone goes through hell and needs friendly support. I have real life friends who are wheelchair bound for the rest of their lives; but talking with them in HERE, you'd never know it. I know those who have survived the worst kinds of hell, and NEVER mention it. Those would be 'heroes'. One of my very best friends is a quadropolegic, will never make love to a woman, will never get married, and has to type with a pencil eraser...but not ONCE does he complain about it when we chat. However...in HERE, <b>some</b> seem to go through it every day and share it with everyone for reasons that will forever go unexplained. ENOUGH PEE-PAL. While the author isn't entirely unsympathetic with the below-described, she realizes that many people are bed-ridden (but don't talk about it...and now, talking about herself in third person). If you're easily offended, don't read this list. Heh.</b>

*~*~Ain't no steppin' program gonna help you NOW~*~*

<b>By definition:</b>
<i>Martyr : noun
in Entry: [1]mar·tyr
Pronunciation: 'mär-t&r
Function: noun
Etymology: Middle English, from Old English, from Late Latin, from Greek martyr-, martys, literally, witness
Date: before 12th century
1 : a person who voluntarily suffers death as the penalty of witnessing to and refusing to renounce a religion
2 : a person who sacrifices something of great value and sometimes life itself for the sake of getting attention
3 : VICTIM; especially : a great or constant sufferer <a martyr to asthma all his life —A. J. Cronin></b>
4 : LJ WORLD: Self-perceived sufferer (or plain ole hypochondriac who likes to beeotch)-T.L. Bastedo, Jr., Esquire, M.D.
- mar·tyr·i·za·tion /"mär-t&-r&-'zA-sh&n/ noun
- mar·tyr·ize /'mär-t&-"rIz/ transitive verb</i>


<b>Whew...now that we have the definition outlined, shall we progress onto the list?</b>
__________________________________________________________
<i>You know you're an L.J. Martyr if one or more of these qualities are displayed on a daily basis:</i>

1. Your life is worse than mine, the Elephant Man's and Christopher Reeve's all put together and you <i>talk about it</i>.

2. Congratulations! You've just survived having blood taken. Now, you're gonna share the horror with all of us. In graphic detail. Like it REALLY hurt. Yeah, we believe it.

3. You write cryptic, t.s. eliot-type words out in a poor attempt at poetry (or bad country-western lyrics), displaying how horrific your online relationship is; then come back an hour later, using the same prose, to display how great it is...again and again and again...x infinity.

4. Wow. You're a writer! It says so in your bio! What do you do? You prove it to all of us by...writing. Although many of us never use spell check, they have this little rule about subject-verb agreement. Check it out before you call yourself a 'writer.' Where *I* come from, you're only allowed to call yourself this if you've published something (many times; not just that little ditty you wrote for your mom on mother's day).

5. Awwww. Poor thing! You've suffered greatly. You realize, of course, that no one else in the world has suffered as much as <i>you</i>. You share the details with us, and expect that sheize to be worse than:
a. Getting hit by a car going 65 MPH;
b. Motorcycle accident, requiring extensive heart surgery, leaving more than 150 staple marks on your torso;
c. Someone who has Leukemia, yet never talks about it (you think they've just given up; or you just don't give a shiite...or wait! Maybe they don't MENTION IT because it's too freakin' depressing);
d. Supporting a child without help;
e. Surviving a war while being deployed and sustaining great injury and loss of friends; and
f. Losing an appendage to diabetes <i>*Note -- this list could go on forever; but we all know that what's wrong with you is much, much worse! I promise!</i>

6. Your on again/off again boyfriend/girlfriend who is the basic theme of your journal is always breaking up with you and <i>you don't understand why.</i> *Clue: Standing outside their window doesn't help your cause, nor does badgering them, either. Get lost -- they don't feel the same way.

7. You feel yourself enraged, instead of humored, reading this list (the biggest sign of all).

8. You use mood icons to elicit comments because <b>no one ever does otherwise</b>.

9. You have more than two chat programs running 24/7 <i>just in case</i> a psyeudo-sympathetic ear comes along to listen to a story you've told 1,000 times (and it always changes with each telling).

10. It's okay to beeatch. We all do it from time to time (yeah, even you guys, by typically cussin' and bein all sullen); but if you don't <i>ever</i> find the slightest bit of humor in your situation...you are doomed.

11. How sweet! You've finally found your soulmate via LJ. What's that? He/She just USED YOU FOR SEX? Wait wait...<i>you were surprised, after all that cyber-sex you so freely lured them in with?</i> You can't WAIT to hop onto LJ to document not only how mean he/she was, but also LINK their <lj user="name">, so we can ALL go visit this GREAT LOVAH, and steal him/her away from you. (Note: This behavior also annotates serious narcissim; the poster actually feels that by linking the name, this guy/gal will come BACK to them...hahahahahahha).

12. When you join <lj comm="user-hoes"> you mean dat shiite.

13. Your only source of happiness is...well, you <i>don't</i> have a source of happiness, not even writing out lists like <i>this</i>.

15. Dang. You had an accident/broke your arm/chipped a tooth, and <b>it was the most tragic thing ever</b>. We know this, because you said so in your journal, and it took more than 12 paragraphs to describe in detail how heinous it was. Then you come back to describe (again in detail) your heroic measures to come back to the real you again. Your friends suddenly start disappearing from your journal. Why? You <i>still</i> can't figure it out.

16. You make at least five, mysterious posts a day elluding to either suicide in fragmented sentences with "........" (there are ONLY THREE PERIODS IN ELIPSES, PEE-PAL). Then, you talk about how much fun you had that night. Okay, so which is it? Death or drinking? Death BY drinking?

17. Your mantra is CONSISTENTLY: "Me, more!!!"

<b>...and last, but certainly not least...</b>

18. All your friends bail every time you write about how miserable you are (well, most, because not a day goes by that you're <i>not</i> miserable). The ones who don't are probably LJ Martyrs, just like <i>you</i>. They feel your pain, and what's more -- live it!</lj-cut>

If you don't like it, I'm thinking I don't care, since this is my journal (as yours is YOUR journal). Gotta find <i>some</i> way to amuse myself in between editing resumes and answering that fargin' phone. Not to mention feeling sorry for myself. Hahahahha. :D
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  • 19 comments

  • LiveJournal is 23 today!

    Domain LiveJournal.com was registered on April 15, 1999. The same year, the cult movie "The Matrix" was released, the 6 billionth inhabitant of the…

  • No sugar last night in my coffee

    No sleep. I thought a sleep movie would take me down, but naw -- restless leg wins again by a mile. The movie was bizarre (The Box, for those who…

  • O.o lol

    See anything you like yet? Need help? :D