December 28th, 2007

Eye see, Open your eyes

The urge

I'm fighting a serious urge to close my eyes, and drift off to sleep. It's so early, but I've had a hectic week.

This is exactly how I feel. Discombobulated and crazed. Woke up to a nice, misty sort of rain around 4 this morning. It felt like springtime in lieu of winter and wonder -- what's March going to bring? I have a feeling this is nature's sneaky way of lulling us into believing we'll have a mild winter.

So much going on in my life, and with my noodle all askew anyhoo, I'm having trouble reconciling my feelings, my head, my heart and my life. Everything seems at odds. Perhaps, again, my parents being gone has something to do with it. But with everything the way it is, I find I need balance.    Nothing...I mean nothing in my life is "normal" or "even-keeled" right now. I need this consistency, this peace of mind, this lack of chaos. I know I won't find it through another, and must pull myself up by the bootstraps, strap myself in, and start setting things straight. Just so many factors that have to be taken into consideration whether I like them or not. I certainly wouldn't wish my situation now on anyone else. Today, I feel overwhelmingly sad. I think part of this has to do with the spawnlette 'alienating' me. If she's not ignoring me entirely, she's being defiant. It makes me sad.

Yeah. This has turned into one helluva fun entry. I know better than to journal after the sun goes down, yet I still do it. Blah.


In semi-decent news, I accomplished quite a bit of writing today. For once, I'm actually pleased with the way things are turning out. Perhaps I've reached some level of maturity that allows me to accept my work for what it is without being too harsh and critical. Sadly, future generations won't fall back to hard copy, as literally everything is becoming digital. I, for one, like my hard copy. I had a bookstore giftcard that I used today and purchased Rape: A Love Story by Joyce Carol Oates, and Terrorist  by John Updike. I can't wait to get started on them. I've been an Updike fan since I first read the "Rabbit" series.

The spawnlette is in her room, downloading more tunage for her new iPod, and I'm about to curl up with a book. Hopefully, my mind will quieten, even if it's only for an hour or two.
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    discontent discontent