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You just picked a paycheck over me, pal

I should've looked closely at other people's horriblescopes this morning.

If there's anything I hate worse than a coward it's a liar. Let's define lying, shall we? Because it's a thousand shades of gray, most of which you never see because you're too caught up in the muck you call Your Life that you can't see the lie you've enshrouded yourself with. Because of excess? Vanity? No -- you're not that good; not even CLOSE. Narcissim? Probably. Tragic? Most assuredly.

Just because one person might've thought you could've been somebody in the third grade doesn't mean you ARE; what's worse is in reality, they don't think you're even 1/10th what you'd like to believe. I promise you that. Hell, everyone I knew from gradeschool on up thought *I* could be 'somebody.' Are you really that desperate for attention?!

And I just happened to be face to face with one who thinks you suck. Truly, and vehemently. And more -- we had a nice laugh over it, which you -- comfortably ensconced in your office -- had no clue about. The reality of how your superiors feel about you is...just sad. Now that's pathetic. But it's the truth.

And the truth, as it does, hurts. Feel it. Feel that truth, because that's as raw as it gets. I have lived the life and glory you could only dream of. Maybe it doesn't mean shiznet now but it did. I don't see you garnered with...well, ANYthing. Nothing to show you're as great as you think you are, but misspelled words on a faux journal you created to impress...who, again?! THANK GOD for ban_set user functions. I don't want to even see your name on my list.

Oh, I laughed when I read. Out loud. Truly I did. And since this IS about truth, I'll tell it. You try so hard, and yet you never seem to find anything to hang on to. No foothold...no rope, just air. And that's why your life is destined to be cut short. Because you don't know what it's like to be a friend. And what's worse? You never will. Go love/hate yourself, and drink another, while doing another line of cocaine, in your poorly-conceived efforts to 'buy' a girlfriend. It's sad. Really, it is.

Now what're you gonna say? What're you gonna do? You live in a world of mediocrity that was built by half you, half them and it's okay, as long as it takes care of the bar tab and DUIs you accumulate. Did I ever tell you that the reason I'm disabled is because of a mother &*#($&9 drunk driver? I'm sure I did. You, my little friend, are the very reason this world is so woefully screwed up. And yes, START TAKING RESPONSIBILITY, FOR IT BELONGS TO YOU AND YOU ALONE. You create this anger in your 'friends.' You, who wouldn't know a friend if they slapped you in the face.

Go cry.

That's how I feel about you. Remember that, before you even think about contacting me. All your previous, pathetic attempts (when I've told you NOT to contact me) are disgusting. As if I wouldn't notice your style when I read it. PLEASE. Your insults, BTW, fall on well-informed ears; and I know it could've only BEEN you. Pathetic. Use MY LIFE as a template.

You can run now. And for future reference, I'd stay real, far away from me. Oh yeah. Although I rarely hold grudges, this one, I'm gonna hang on to for dear life. Because of your lack of caring about mine.

Have another drink. OFF me.

Note to self, #113: Never EVER add people who create LJs just to get your attention. They're typically one of those lying SOBs who're so wrapped up in drugs, alcohol, and fantasyland that they can't see the trouble they cause others, or their contribution to this shitty society. Especially the woefully uneducated.

Brilliant?! I think not. Mediocre at best.

Comments

( 6 whispered — Whisper to me )
attilathehunny
May. 31st, 2004 12:59 pm (UTC)
THAT is something that keeps me up at night. The idea that I might think I'm doing something well, while other people privately think I'm totally inept makes me work twice as hard as I probably need to. (Of course it also leads to Annette Benning in American Beauty-style breakdowns in the privacy of my own office because I forgot to change a date or something on a document I thought was triple-checked perfect. Yeah, I've been known to have the odd nutty.)
none_too_subtle
May. 31st, 2004 01:04 pm (UTC)
Noooooooo, no
You're TOTALLY opposite from what I described above, trust me on this one. This person actually BELIEVES this sheize. You -- as I've noted just reading you for the past...hrm, two years? -- are a perfectionist, and you're always doubting yourself.

This person has absolutely ZERO idea of what a fool he makes of himself. Seriously. Sadly, he self-medicates in order to perpetuate the lie he calls his life, and then calls people up out of the blue (or contacts them) expecting them to recognize what he sees; only it doesn't exist and it never will. He's a self-proclaimed genius, and can't spell. He's an 'artistic god' yet can't outdo EVEN ME with a simple, conceptual sketch. He's about as disillusional as anyone I've ever met, and what's worse is that he continually repeats the same errors, over and over again, hoping for different results.

That is the very definition of insanity; and that's his life.

You are NOTHING like him. He's a life-sucking parasite from where there's no escape without flat-out cutting him off totally from all communication. You aren't at ALL like this person.

You always doubt yourself, when *I* think you're great (as I'm sure all your friends do). You're a perfectionist, so it's natural for you to wonder the things you do (I'm the same way in many areas; clearly my journal isn't one of 'em...lol).

Please, please don't turn this around. While it's sad that this DID happen, I know -- deep inside -- that HE knows the deal, whether he wants to face it or not. Trust me. It's sad.
attilathehunny
May. 31st, 2004 01:31 pm (UTC)
Re: Noooooooo, no
Heh heh...I know I'm not like that. Not really...the fear that I COULD be like that definitely drives me hard, though.

You know, I think writers are particularly paranoid about their work.
none_too_subtle
May. 31st, 2004 01:37 pm (UTC)
Re: Noooooooo, no
I was just thinking that when I saw you responded again. *I* am the very same way. But sometimes -- and most often through someone else's eyes -- a see a glimpse of what I could be, or have been and life is good. I'm sure you know what I'm talking about.

THIS person has never enjoyed those brief moments of praise from anyone significant, much less received any accolades or awards for this 'brilliant work' he allegedly does. Seriously. He's a fraud. I only say this because I've seen it, up close and personal. And every time he opens up his mouth, writes a letter, or 'tries' to do the very thing he thinks he excels at, he makes himself look even more pathetic.

But screaming "I AM A GOLDEN GOD" from the rooftops while being mediocre at best is just sickening; and someone needs to point it out.

While believing really IS half of being, he's created this elaborate world where he is king; yet on the weekends (or hell, as soon as work is over), he's imbibing on any/all chemicals he can get his hands on, just so he can avoid his reality.

It's disgusting.

You're nothing like that, and damn, I'm not either. Writers are born; not made. He's not even a 'quick study' (nor is he a writer, but ... well, I won't say what he does). He does, however, think he's 'gifted' in all the arts, while in reality, he's gifted in none.

I should've paid attention to my horriblescope. I'm taking this way too personal. It just sickens me to the core of my being when someone puts forth so much effort to 'sell themselves' that they really show what idiots they are by doing so. You know?

Writers and artists are the worst. We're our own worse critics (at least the REAL writers I've known are). It's the psuedo writers who might have been paid once for some poem they probably plagiarised, that I can't stand. Ugh.
curefreak
Jun. 1st, 2004 06:20 am (UTC)
Yee Gods. Memo to self "Do not piss this one off" *LOL*. That is what I really really like about you, people know where they stand with you, none of this smile to your face and stick fingers up behind your back. It is great, and do not for a second think I am crawling, I dont do that...not for anything.

The truth can be a lonely business but I for one would rather be alone than surrounded by phonies. Give 'em heaps...as though you needed encouragement ;)
none_too_subtle
Jun. 1st, 2004 06:32 am (UTC)
Freakish
What's really bizarre in THIS particular situation is that they KNEW I couldn't stand the sight of them, and yet still tried to impose in my life.

If I tell you flat out, or indicate in some way that I don't like you? It's best to just leave. Seriously. But stay in my face, and let me read something you've made up that is so horribly inaccurate and I'll be the first to point it out.

It didn't help THIS person that I know them in real life. Ohhh no. I know this person better than they know themselves. Typically, when I'm just moderately angry, it's not worth my spit. But THIS had to be said. And even know, I'm sure said person is still thinking that he's something.

We're ALL something. But what is it worth and to whom?

In his case? Nothing and no one.
( 6 whispered — Whisper to me )

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Words.

Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
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Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.
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