Kelsey: Mom, none of the cute guys were in social studies today and "Teacher's name" is mean. We all fell asleep, and he did this snappy thing with his fingers, making us wake up.
Me: Good! You don't go to class to watch "cute boys" and you REALLY NEED to get more sleep at night.
Kelsey: Yeah, but the cute boys are REALLY CUTE when they fall asleep in class.
Kelsey: PLUS OMG, "the teacher" picks his nose, mom, [insert wild, gesticulative finger movement beside her nose here for extra effect that had me in tears] and puts a piece of paper beside his face, like we can't see it, but OH, WE DO. And then sometimes, he EATS IT. MOM, he's like a two-year-old, only he's not FUN like two year old's are, and he has hair growing out of his ears and nose and is just grossssssss.
OMG. I'll never eat again.
THIS. IS. ABOUT. MY. CHILD.