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How NOT to look How NOT to look

..and what not to DO. A Tutorial by yours truly.

The above is how NOT to look. But more important, is what not to do...I've broken every single one of my self-imposed guy rules today with ONE PERSON.

  • Besides getting dressed in a record-breaking 10 minutes, I decided NOT to wear my sessay, chosen suit because why? I thought he'd TAKE IT THE WRONG WAY. HAHAHA. Instead, I wear THIS. Underneath is black, btw, but I felt it was more important to show THE REALLY BAD HAIR DAY than my butt in some black pants. Again.

  • So YAY! He mails back, and wants to talk. You take it 3,000 times around the dancefloor, vascillating back and forth between the should Is and what ifs until you confuse your own self. THEN, you initiate conversation at LEAST five times. Once it might've been HIS idea, but ohh noooooooooo.

  • Which leads to this -- throwing myself shamelessly at him. Could I be MORE OBVIOUS? Er...I wouldn't blame him if he NEVER talked to me again.

    What happened to the me before my "big decision" move?! Ack. Never in my life have I had these man-problems/issues/questions! Eh gads. Yeah, he's cute (and it's funny, because his department calls him Clark Kent, too), and he's smart (and shy, which we all know I lurve). But OMG. I've had ALL that (and probably more) in my life. Why does NOW make a difference?!

    Oh. I went FISHING. I never ever "go fish" with guys. I don't HAVE to. I KNOW how they feel. Not so with shy guy. GAWD, I'M THE BIGGEST DORK EVER.

    He knows ALL ABOUT LIVEJOURNAL. I am horrified. Umm...how do you change literally WEEKS of journaling about yer lil high school crush without him inevitably stumbling on it? You CAN'T. *SCREAMS*

    During our e-mail, he used the word "platonic." Not in the sense of "we're platonic/will be platonic/etc." as he so cleverly explained later, but as in "Such as what if". UMMMM. I pointed out to him that his subconscious was trying to TELL HIM that this is how he views me. Yeahhhhhhhhhh, let's DERAIL THE WHOLE THING. BEFORE it starts. O_o

  • Give him all 85324789579572983 e-addys, OFFER ALL 563289579289 OF YOUR PHONE NUMBERS. I should've gone ahead and drawn him a freakin' map, shown him my underwear drawer, and then RAN. FAST.


    I am now, officially, and unequivocably socially dysfunctional for sure. And I've done it to myself. Mkay, admittedly the warden had some minor role in all this, but STILL. Every piece of advice I've ever given to chicks who ask, I've done the opposite of in ONE DAY.

    I'm never going back to work again. EVER.

    No, not going to see him tonight, although that could've been an option. What did I do? OH NO. I CAN'T. Don't ask (if you're reading this far).

    And THEN, I make it PERFECT by coming in here, and telling 37582957982 people about how I humiliated myself, complete with ARTWORK. SMART. I AM SOO SMART! Hahaha.

    Let's all point and laugh at the desperate chick.

    GEEZ. Diane? Trust me on this -- DO NOT do the "let me get to know ME" thing like I did. Hahahah. Otherwise, you'll turn from independent, happily secure and satisfied chick in to I DON'T WANNA BE A CAT LADY FREAK SO HELP chick. See how this is all playing out?

    And now I've made such an issue out of it, that I CAN'T GO OUT WITH HIM, because now, we'll both be all eye-balling each other, wondering what the OTHER one is thinking.

    It's a no-win situation. Meh!

    Other things happened today. I even had some interesting dreams that I intended to write about. But see? I CAN'T.

    Okay -- I met the freakin' POPE. I'd make a list of "People Who Would Outrank Him In The Game Of Life" but it would sound shamefully self-promoting so I won't. But it doeth beg the question of why him, why now, and WHY WHY WHY?

    No more thinking about him. In fact, if any communication occurs, it'll be up to him. He did say today that he has NEVER in his life initiated a date/etc. with anyone; they always have asked him first (100% of the time). I almost said "but you said this morning that you were thinking about asking me to lunch/beer after work/dinner/etc." but shut my yap just in time.

    Er. Maybe not. I need to shut it NOW.

    *hides. forever.*

    This was how I acted This was how I acted

    All "hiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii studdddddddd."

    OMG. There's no hope.

    That pretty much sums me up today. Hahahaha.

    Color me BEYOND mortified. I'm ashamed of myself. LOL. In a funny kinda way. And OMG, I FORGOT... I remember thinking, whilst visiting the girly room "I can still bear children!" No, no -- not because I was thinking "I want to have his children" but because I was *somehow* justifying my womanhood/sessiness/whatever-ness.

    WHAT THE...

    I'm just sayin'. Aaaaaaahahaha. Okay. NOW you may point and laugh :-D


    ( 23 whispered — Whisper to me )
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:30 pm (UTC)
    *tries not to laugh a little*

    You're usually so self- composed and aware and stuff. What a reversal. BTW, "show him my underwear drar and then RUN," was hysterical.

    *runs* ;D
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:33 pm (UTC)

    Holy shiite, he totally pwned me today. That never EVER happens. What happened?!! Save me!! Hahahaha. Besides luring him in to that secret lil garden area and slamming him up against the wall, making out with him (or trying to), I pretty much made it fairly clear that I was interested.

    What happened to HARD TO GET?

    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)

    Did you actually do that or just imagine/wish you had? Because if it was me, that would be hot. ;)
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:47 pm (UTC)
    You're kidding about all THAT being hot; right?!?!? OMG. *thinks about what I wrote, decides I DID DO those things, although I might've expounded just a bit...but probably NOT*

    Oh, re: the icon with my arse...I *did* make one (with my new PSP skillz), and will share it with ya in a friend's only entry :-D

    *looks to see if this is*

    Or maybe I should filter it seriously. LOL.
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:52 pm (UTC)
    You're kidding, right? A woman who not only knows what she wants but acyually goes ahead and acts on those desires in a definitely sexy manner, demonstrating that she's willing to be direct? That's quite possibly the hottest, most sexy thing on the face of the whole damned planet.

    Woohoo! ;) I always have been a legs and hips kind of guy. ;)
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:23 pm (UTC)
    Well, whatever uber-secret-squirrel filter you used worked. I can view but not reply to. Very cute, though. Is that an invitation? ;)
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:27 pm (UTC)
    C'mon!! SURELY you recognize THAT by now! Hahahaha. God knows I've put enough pictures on it to COMPLETELY DEMYSTIFY my butt. Haha. Literally.

    And yes, of course it was. :-D
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:33 pm (UTC)
    Well, in that case, consider yourself kissed, and quite possibly nibbled uponl in all the right ways. ;)
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:34 pm (UTC)
    I keep TELLIN' YA to biteeeeeeee!!! :F
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:37 pm (UTC)
    Yeah, but going straight to that wouldn't be in keeping with building anticipation, etc, now would it? better to draw things out a bit more, take more time.
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:45 pm (UTC)
    Better just to cave-man a sistah: flip her over, BITE THAT THANG. THE END. Hahaha.
    Aug. 23rd, 2005 04:13 pm (UTC)
    *laughs loud enough for the desk officer to look in thrugh the office door*

    *pictures you trying to put up a struggle and squealing when it didn't work, laughs some more*
    Aug. 23rd, 2005 09:41 pm (UTC)
    HEY HEY!! Afear my mad, fighting-back-and-winning skillZzzz! ;-)
    Aug. 23rd, 2005 10:54 pm (UTC)
    *laughs again*

    Ummmmmm, no. ;)
    Aug. 23rd, 2005 11:42 pm (UTC)
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:37 pm (UTC)
    "GEEZ. Diane? Trust me on this -- DO NOT do the "let me get to know ME" thing like I did. Hahahah. Otherwise, you'll turn from independent, happily secure and satisfied chick in to I DON'T WANNA BE A CAT LADY FREAK SO HELP chick. See how this is all playing out?"

    Laughing because you KNEW I'd read the whole thing! You and I are going out after work one day, for decaf or sprite...LOL ;-)I gots things to tells ya ;-) And for the record, you are NOT the biggest dork ever, I gotcha beat by a landfall :D
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:40 pm (UTC)
    Hahaha! ALL single chicas should read the whole thing!! LOLOL.

    Yeahhh, cuz I have a feelin' you be all holdin' out on me an airything. ;-)

    OH I KNOW! YOU CAN MEET US OUT! That way, I won't have to meet him solo, and be all embarrassed when he throws me off his legs, whilst I try to give him a lap dance at Krystal's. Or something. Hahahhaah (laughs at my own self because of the visual).

    I need help. RESIST THE URGE!!

    OMG you SO KNOW I'm the biggest uber dork OF ALL. Otherwise, I'D have the juicy gossip, and you'd be listenin' and making the mistakes I made today. LOL :)
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:43 pm (UTC)
    Hahaha! That is a good visual, and a good idea too actually ;-) I have a REALLY funny thing to tell you about Mr. Hotpants, I'll e-mail you when I get home from work ;-)
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 09:45 pm (UTC)

    *gets great visual, thinking about leopard prints and shiny schtuff* :-D
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:00 pm (UTC)
    Oh my lord, you're adorable!!!! And hardcore crushes are amazing things!!! That's how me and Mikey started out!!

    This entry kept a smile on my face!!!!! Just GO OUT W/ HIM and be YOU and kisssssss him and be happy LOL

    Aug. 22nd, 2005 10:10 pm (UTC)

    And *normally* I GET WHAT I WANT. Or who.

    Which means THIS = disaster. OMG! I've soooooooo jinxed it! *sobs*
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 11:15 pm (UTC)
    Aug. 22nd, 2005 11:16 pm (UTC)
    Hehhhhhh. I figured you'd get a kick outta all that. IT SERVES ME RIGHT! lol ;)
    ( 23 whispered — Whisper to me )


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    Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
    The lady of situations.
    Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
    And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
    Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
    Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
    The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
    I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
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    Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

    One must be so careful these days.


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