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I'm exhausted in every way possible for a human to be. Kelsey is actually *nervous* about tonight, the first time she's even voiced it aloud was this morning, and my inclination is to worry with her. But no -- she's the golden child, my great, white, wonderful hope. I'm so lucky that she is the anchor which grounds me daily, despite family problems, despite a heavy workload, despite illness.

And since I have "blessing" to open this up now (out of respect for a friend), so it'll be.

Driving to work this morning, I realized that I came *real* close to letting another King Richard even *slightly* into my life, just by virtue of being on my friend's list, and ultimately (and for similar Richard-like reasons) to hurt, manipulative, deceive, belittle other people (oh, I'm sure I would've been on that list eventually) -- anything to make this person feel bigger or better than those around him, or than he REALLY is. I do have to say and NEVER thought I'd say this -- this one is WORSE than King Richard ever was, even at his most psychotic.

And that, as we all know is saying alot.

That hit-or-miss REALLY turns my stomach. I trust all my friends on the list. This isn't something I just gave them, but something they've all earned. When I first started creating filters, not *all* friends made it to the top tier. There's a reason for that (and just as suspicions confirmed, this straight up yellow wallpaper never made it to tier 10, much LESS tier 1). Thank GOD. The arrival was strange, the *trying to be buddies* even moreso, but what struck me as peculiar, WAY before the sickening aspect of it all, was the fact that this person was not that smart -- but *just manipulative enough* to say things with conviction, or enough of it, to sway others. Just like King Richard. My long-term friends from LJ KNOW the bizarre, manipulative, controlling, childish sheize Richard has done over the past few years, and for the first time, I've experienced true insanity, something more...evil, something more twisted, less human than anyone I've met.

I've never said this about anyone. But I've actually come in contact -- even if it was via the internet -- with someone who really shouldn't have been born. And I doubt this person's death will be mourned by anyone. I can, however, hear the collective sighs of relief when he's gone. I imagine THAT time will come soon enough, unless the adage "only the good die young" is true. No wait...not young. Scratch that, rewind.

This is my journal. To not at least nod in this direction, and give credence to me, and how I feel about this would be doing a great disservice to my journal, my life, how people affect me, the people AROUND me, and my quality of life in general. I wasn't going to mention it. Because I figured it would draw attention to him; and honest to GOD if he disappeared literally off the face of the earth now, I wouldn't even be AWARE of it nor care. But if I don't mention names, no one's gonna miss him. That's a fact. Sad. Really, it is.

I mean, when you're slightly gullible, and honestly do want to believe that *all* people are good somewhere inside them, you don't notice the Charles Mansons of the world until they plop on your doorstep, you stare into their proverbial empty, dead, bottomless pits mimicking a real soul until they say something...which is so inappropriate, yet subtle (because of course, they're kissing up and trying to get to ya) that you *almost* miss it.

I thank God that it took ZERO time to figure this out. I thank God, also, for the good friends I do have here and in real life, and who made yesterday easier for me in light of "real life" things which were and are occurring.

But most important, I thank God for Kelsey, who gives me a reason to get up in the mornings, gives me hope that not *all* people are bad, and makes me smile no matter how stormy and tumultuous my life might be.

Not touching on how I feel, because sadly regarding this subject, I just think it's clinically interesting. Seriously. Like a rat in a cage. Watch him and his serpentine tail! Clinically, yes, he'd be a GREAT study. But emotionally, I feel nada but "watching that car wreck" interest in such a twisted ufkc, an interest which won't hold my attention until I simply pass the wreck. If it wasn't for the fact that another has been SO horribly mistreated and hurt, this wouldn't even be mentioned. But at times like these, when people are being affected, SOMEONE has to say I've seen the face of evil -- and it has a name. GOD, JUST STAY AWAY, for he will stop at nothing to feel like "he's winning." He'll destroy families, he'd burn down your house, and not even blink an eye. He'll destroy ANY happiness, because he'd think HE's not the reason for it. Prepare for a life of total misery. Yes -- I do believe he's THAT sick. The signs are *all there.* I've seen 'em way before he showed up here, but out of courtesy/respect for a friend, I'd only mention them when my honest-to-God concern for her was much larger than the red flags flapping in the breeze. It's not easy to see this when you're open and caring; you want to believe the "goodness" they no doubt learned through the years, which NEVER lasts, and is NEVER genuine. I should know. I was there with King Richard, and Richard was the worst. Until THIS guy.

I've now come face to face with the opposite of Kelsey. Not mean. Just pure evil. No other way to describe it. I do feel sorry for this person, because understanding the psychology that drives a monster like this (and let there be no mistake -- he IS a selfish, pathological monster) makes you want to take him back to infancy, raise him, and pray that this evil seed has MAYBE one good cell in him to nurture.

But even then, I doubt we'd ever see it. For some people, there really is no hope. This is why they surround themselves with "kids", freshmen in college -- because adults don't want anything to DO with them. It's sad. It's sick. And most important, it's evil. And because of Kelsey, it's so easy to see this evil with perfect, unblemished clarity.

We joke around about being evil and hateful, but in truth, we're all putting up a tough front, trying to gut out whatever horror life is throwing at us. Sociopaths like this only scream and shout and cry because they're selfish, and have lost control of SOMETHING. Not because they give a SHIT about anybody else. Believe it. This person couldn't say about ONE PERSON "I truly love them." I have no doubt about that. I mean, I've heard it -- but until the past 24 hours, didn't want to believe it.

I can see it so clearly, even *without* proof staring me in the face. I can happily click on that "delete mail" button without even batting an eye. I can block 57328578925 e-mail addresses IF I WANT TO. But it's so much more satisfying when you simply "delete" that e-mail without reading it, knowing THEY know you didn't care enough to even open it up. Of course, this satisfaction isn't very much. I control my world. Good or bad, happy, sad, wonderful, beautiful, ugly...whatever is in it, it's mine. I *own* it. No one else ever will. Nor will some mimicking freak ever be clever enough to *outwit* me into thinking they're the GOOD GUY.

A mimic of a human. But not human.

So with joy this morning, I deleted three more e-mails. Let's hope it stops soon. A restraining order ain't pretty, and by now, I think we all know it can be done here. And people like this blame EVERYONE but themselves for "badness" they've not only held the recipe for, but cooked and served up on a platter. They're just REAL GOOD at cloaking it with prose, pretending, and hoping to GOD they don't bump into someone who knows. When they know that someone ELSE knows, they really lose it. What if someone tells? What if...? They can't CONTROL THAT PERSON, because that person who identified them as the freak they are knows them way too well, and more -- has the balls to say it. That person isn't afraid of him. That person doesn't care, and delights in the fact that they can actually horrify HIM into submission. Yeah, one shouldn't boast of this, but it is an accomplishment. Sort of like jail, only...not. An emotional jail to which *I* hold the keys. THAT'S power, even if I earned it by simply being smarter and more human/honest than he. Doesn't matter HOW, just matters that I DID.

And I feel good today, even though I didn't get much sleep (umm...those brushes...PSP...killing me). So much art, not enough time. Too many vectors, masks and palettes, OH MY! But again, this is such a clinical case of ... psychosis that it had to be journaled, at least once. And I won't cower behind a "private" entry. When I make THOSE, it's to save my friend's list from reading some personal tragedy I'm going through, or something near and dear that doesn't NEED to be shared. Something like this, however, should be at least looked at. Listened to. Learned from. I don't enjoy seniority on my own journal for no good reason; I've been there, done that. And until, again, the past...few weeks, actually, I've never seen anyone close to being as sick as Richard until NOW. So I'd say it's worth journaling. But more important, it's worth LEARNING. *I* have learned again. And maybe I'll learn three weeks' from now. Maybe I won't. But for what it's worth, something had to be said for the good of anyone who might wander over here and think this person is REAL, or GENUINE. This is the most fradulent person I've ever come in contact with.

Go ruin someone ELSE'S friendships. Keep your psycho hands off mine. And leave families alone. Leave CHILDREN alone. My DAUGHTER could be one of those who buys into that B.S. (which made me sick when I realized that yesterday), and easily be yapping it up on the internet with someone LIKE him. I trust HER, however, to be smarter. But yesterday, I was forced to think "for just a SECOND, you thought he might be semi-decent. He dated a girl who's WAY too good for him, and he *seems* halfway decent, even if he DOES look like a psycho." I know, of course, that he's not over her. He HAS TO KNOW that he's lost the best thing that's probably ever crossed his filthy path. He HAS TO KNOW THAT. I don't need to tell him, nor do any of her friends.

I'm just glad it's over. And it IS. Because this is my...clinical closure. My "Protect Kelsey At ALL Costs No Matter What" entry. My "never believe a man over your girlfriends" entry. My "yes, there ARE crazies out there JUST AS BAD, if not worse, than King Richard" entry. This is me, claiming loudly that this is MY life. I'm plucking this chicken, and YOU'RE not good enough to even hold the legs.

It's over for now, anyway. If I do -- while reading journals and stuff -- run across anything hateful/ugly/charged -- oh yeah. There's going to be a fight.

It ain't gonna happen HERE. He's powerless HERE. He's powerless in MY WORLD. And I pray to God that soon, he'll have NO power in any shape, form or fashion, in some of my friend's worlds, for any power which exists is smoke and mirrors.

A man who can't control himself and his own actions could NEVER control/be the man of someone ELSE.

It's that simple.

Alrighty...time for me to get to work. I'd like to say that inside, I'm cringing a tad because of that very close brush, but it wasn't very close...I thankfully will never be within the same STATE as this looney tunes. And it wasn't a brush; because well, we all know that even studly, gorgeous, intelligent REAL LIFE guys ain't gettin' to me, so a used-up, has-been, wanna-be sociopath who hangs out with college kids DAMN sure ain't gonna do it. I just hate it that this person has adversely affected, well, everyone in his life, including his own family. But ESPECIALLY my friends.

I consider most of my friends family in here. Deleting harm from my list is every bit as protective as defending a friend in real life. And that's that.

*closes that brief introductory chapter, decides the book is too boring and short to write, ends it here*

Ahh! Lovely. McMan, aka, The Anonymati, AKA THE MYNAH BIRD, aka Chicken man (for our own, private, he and I reasons...)? You'll be happy to know he's been educated by learning the WORD, Mynah bird, but still doesn't "understand what the bird does," where *I* came up with it (from you, of course, bearer of great gifts), nor why it was ever said. He's trying to take your bird and run with it. He had to Google it, since he'd never heard of it before. I find it a little odd that um...YOU'RE the Mynah bird who brings bright, happy, shiny things and he's trying to give me credit for it without knowing the definition...lololol.

I was wrong. LOL ;-) He's not THAT quick of a study after all.

Mkay. That really is all. No more credit to that unedumacated idiot. I laughed out loud when I saw that in e-mail last night, and forgot to share (since the grave Anonymati has been so silent lately...).


( 22 whispered — Whisper to me )
Oct. 11th, 2005 02:00 pm (UTC)
I'm plucking this chicken, and YOU'RE not good enough to even hold the legs.

I'm sorry, I know you're being serious, but that line really made me laugh out loud! Just the mere picture of it in my mind..

Anyway, I'm also sorry for the object of your post. I honestly (thankfully?) dont know who he is, although I may have an idea based on Shelley's posts and your own. But in any case, if he really is as psychotic/just plain evil as you say he is, maybe a restraining order would be a good thing? For both of you? (*IF* it is who I think it is)..
Oct. 11th, 2005 03:11 pm (UTC)
Serious business, this guy will never get "play" in my journal. I'll never mention his name, because that would arouse interest. And GOD FORBID people even find him morbidly interesting because of the mental basket of psychosis he is.

Suffice it to say he hurt someone I really care about in a way that defies reason, definition or even humanity, and he ain't gettin' away with it. I may not expose him, or what I know to be true (or have been told) in here, nor say the name. But HE won't have "pleasure" on Live Journal EVER. Especially if this cowardly freak has the audacity to even PEEK at my journal (I track this sucker like a mad hunter...). ;-)

He's not human. Really. Um...I'd say murderous things, but murdering someone like him would be less painful than it would be for me to put a deer to sleep with good drugs. And I mean that.

Yeah. Hell hath no fury...and *I* didn't even like the guy/was immediately suspicious. But SOMEONE liked him, someone "believed" his B.S., and SOMEONE needs to bust his arse. So be it if it's me. I KNOW I have the firepower, because he's never had -- nor never will have -- the mental, emotional or physical fortitude to take ME on his best day and my WORST. And I mean that.

Having said all that, how YOU doin'? LOL =)
Oct. 11th, 2005 03:24 pm (UTC)
Having said all that, how YOU doin'?

HEEEEY! NO FAIR! That's my line! (just ask Shelley)

I borrowed that line from Joey FAIR AND SQUARE... yaknow I could sue you for stealing that line from me! I do need the money. Are you rich? I think I'm gonna sue you. Consider yourself sued.

uhhhhhhhh.... I think somewhere in the neighborhood of about $9.2 million should be enough to last the rest of my life.

aww heck, better make it an even 10 mil... Ok... consider yourself sued for $10,000,000 U.S. Dollars and 0 cents. (10M is enough... no need to add the cents on there, I'm not greedy or anything!)
Oct. 11th, 2005 05:21 pm (UTC)
OMG THAT DOES ITTTTTTTT!!! If you go back MANY YEARS, you'll see ME SAYING IT all over the place. Only *I* picked it up in the Army; not from a sitcom :-D

Ya know, I noticed right away last night that the first words uttered from you were "gimme money." I'M POOR!!!!

That does it. Send your rezoom, and let us all disseminate it, so that we can get you a great salary and you can SUPPORT ALL OF US! YAY!!!! =D ;p
Oct. 11th, 2005 03:17 pm (UTC)
Actually "I'm plucking this chicken, and YOU'RE not good enough to even hold the legs" is not really LIKE that (it's much more...um...profane). LOLOL. And since we don't say things like that (in an open entry), I tamed my saying down by using "plucking" instead.

Oct. 11th, 2005 03:33 pm (UTC)
oh my!
you shouldn't nudge me, unless you wanna get nudged back! In all modesty, I'm a fantastic nudger, sometimes a very naughty nudger. But I guess that's exactly what makes me such a great nudger.

I need to nudge my lazy (and incredibly smart) ass to get out of bed and go get ready for work! ciao.
Oct. 11th, 2005 08:32 pm (UTC)
Re: oh my!
Oooooooo! Are you *threatening me*?

Nicuragua ;-)

*nudges you back*

Everyone on my friend's list is a great "nudger" or "recipient of great nudges"...otherwise, why would I keep 'em?

Just looky at who got the chopping block? LOL. That should tell ya right thur. Anybody who happily boasts of having a "**ck buddy who serves only as his ***re" is NOT A GOOD NUDGER IN ANY LANGUAGE, ANY COUNTRY and is also potentially dangerous.

Did you get to work? GIMME MONEY!!! ;p
Oct. 12th, 2005 05:25 am (UTC)
Re: oh my!
Did you get to work? GIMME MONEY!!! ;p

yes. NO!!! you still owe me the 10 million and 0 cents. :P
Oct. 12th, 2005 09:00 pm (UTC)
Re: oh my!
Yeah, but WAY WAY WAY before that YOU OWED ME 57382792357928 billion. And zero cents. I rounded it off, too :> :D
Oct. 11th, 2005 02:14 pm (UTC)
Yeowzers T!
Even though the Anonymati can be a bit slow at times, we feel confident in saying "Somebody ticked you off!" (doesn't he know you are a pistol packin' Mama???) Enjoy the play tonight and then the Play ;)
Oct. 11th, 2005 03:15 pm (UTC)
Re: Yeowzers T!

Yay!! It's the Esteemed and Revered Anonymati!!

I was SO READY TO GO OFF on you when I saw the "anonymous" thingy up top. Mannnnn. Don't be making a sistah all crazy like that.

Somebody not only ticked me off but REALLY hurt a few people (and plans to hurt a few more). Um...I was a vigalante when I was a little girl, and by God if I can do it HERE, I will, especially if it just BRUSHES up against me (as it has). He doesn't deserve the breathe the air we do. He didn't tick me off. Actually, to ME, he's a really, heinous joke. But he HURT people (no, not me). And for that? No. No...somebody's gotta say something, and I feel FINE DOING IT. :>

The play will be wunderbar. I'll probably get there at like 3 so I'll have front-row seats :D (Regarding the "after play play") please defer to our previous conversations.

GEEZ. I fully expect chicken and breadsticks (and yeah, I think I'm running low on Sprite) in my very near future :> LOL.

Oct. 11th, 2005 03:16 pm (UTC)
Re: Yeowzers T!
**the breathe

TO breathe. I'm at work, and doing the alt+tab thingy. =D
Oct. 11th, 2005 04:15 pm (UTC)
P.S., McMan...
This nutcase stole THE MYNAH BIRD!!


Um...plagiarise much? LOL. Jesus, now I'm HIS FREAKIN' TEMPLATE. Every word that I've used, HE'S used. I'm glad to contribute to his education. Now you have, too. Hahaha.

;-) Gotta love *your* contributions because hey! You're EDUCATED. ;-)
Oct. 11th, 2005 09:14 pm (UTC)
Ripped off from Raffi
The land lines on the bus go Beep beep beep...
Oct. 11th, 2005 09:16 pm (UTC)
Re: Ripped off from Raffi
Shuh? I had no clue you guys were THROUGH. Shoulda called the celluloid so that I'd know it was YOU trying to call. Am avoiding most others. LOL =) Want me to get off now?
Oct. 11th, 2005 09:22 pm (UTC)
Re: Ripped off from Raffi
Oct. 11th, 2005 10:02 pm (UTC)
Re: Ripped off from Raffi
And don't forget I have my LEGAL TEAM BEHIND ME when you've got that whole t-shirt thang goin' on.

Oct. 11th, 2005 10:51 pm (UTC)
Sorry to invade your journal, but I LOVED this post, for obvious reasons... Just had to share!
Oct. 11th, 2005 10:56 pm (UTC)
Thanks, sweetie. You have nooooooo idea how much I held BACK on this entry. If it wasn't for our mutual friend, GOD only knows um...yeah. I'm not real good at containing myself when things of this nature occur. I was suckered into an IDENTICAL situation (kicking and screaming, but STILL suckered), so I fully understand. I know how *my* story ended (and he's lucky to be ALIVE after breaking and entering, showing up EVERYWHERE I was, etc. etc.), and am hoping/fairly positive she'll see the truth in this black-hole hell a lot quicker than *I* did in my situation. Sadly, I WOULD keep going back (but um...only because I was too LAZY to get a real boyfriend...hahaha).

But. It'll never be mentioned again. And only those who know...well, THAT will even know who/what/etc. I wouldn't give that wombat *credit* enough to mention "its" name. Ever. :)
Oct. 11th, 2005 11:00 pm (UTC)
It's an incredibly sad thing when people with no conscience prey upon people with good hearts...

As for our mutual friend, she's amazing - but I knew that before I even had the chance to speak with her directly. Her energy radiates in her writing... it's contagious! Personally, I'm blessed to have caught a tiny piece of it!
Oct. 11th, 2005 11:05 pm (UTC)
Re: :)
She's definitely deserving of someone who's just like her :-D

The leaves don't fall too far from the tree, birds of a feather...there are thousands of cliches I could use...

...and one day I realized -- being part of King Psycho's life (er, Richard) made ME part of *that group.* And I'm SO MUCH BETTER than that. We *all* are. Recognizing the red flags (which I've gone on and on and on about throughout my years of online journaling AND with Richard in it part of the time) is almost impossible to do, though, until you really, truly get closure that you HAVE to have, shut them totally OUT, and never look back.

It took me YEAR to pay for a mistake I made in what? A week? Yeah, it was something like that. She doesn't need that crap happening to her. Again -- none of us do, ya know?

I'd rather have a dog :-D


Hahahaha. I'll refrain. ;-) :D
Oct. 11th, 2005 11:07 pm (UTC)

I'm flying by the seat of my pants for my daughter's play, so my apologies for hastily writing you back :-D :) I'm really not this stupid, although I oft act like it in real life :D ;)
( 22 whispered — Whisper to me )


Eye see, Open your eyes
Creeping Through The Cellar Door

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Here is Belladonna, the Lady of the Rocks,
The lady of situations.
Here is the man with three staves, and here the Wheel,
And here is the one-eyed merchant, and this card
Which is blank, is something that he carries on his back,
Which I am forbidden to see. I do not find
The Hanged Man. Fear death by water.
I see crowds of people, walking round in a ring.
Thank you. If you see dear Mrs. Equitone,
Tell her I bring the horoscope myself;

One must be so careful these days.
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