And since I have "blessing" to open this up now (out of respect for a friend), so it'll be.
Driving to work this morning, I realized that I came *real* close to letting another King Richard even *slightly* into my life, just by virtue of being on my friend's list, and ultimately (and for similar Richard-like reasons) to hurt, manipulative, deceive, belittle other people (oh, I'm sure I would've been on that list eventually) -- anything to make this person feel bigger or better than those around him, or than he REALLY is. I do have to say and NEVER thought I'd say this -- this one is WORSE than King Richard ever was, even at his most psychotic.
And that, as we all know is saying alot.
That hit-or-miss REALLY turns my stomach. I trust all my friends on the list. This isn't something I just gave them, but something they've all earned. When I first started creating filters, not *all* friends made it to the top tier. There's a reason for that (and just as suspicions confirmed, this straight up yellow wallpaper never made it to tier 10, much LESS tier 1). Thank GOD. The arrival was strange, the *trying to be buddies* even moreso, but what struck me as peculiar, WAY before the sickening aspect of it all, was the fact that this person was not that smart -- but *just manipulative enough* to say things with conviction, or enough of it, to sway others. Just like King Richard. My long-term friends from LJ KNOW the bizarre, manipulative, controlling, childish sheize Richard has done over the past few years, and for the first time, I've experienced true insanity, something more...evil, something more twisted, less human than anyone I've met.
I've never said this about anyone. But I've actually come in contact -- even if it was via the internet -- with someone who really shouldn't have been born. And I doubt this person's death will be mourned by anyone. I can, however, hear the collective sighs of relief when he's gone. I imagine THAT time will come soon enough, unless the adage "only the good die young" is true. No wait...not young. Scratch that, rewind.
This is my journal. To not at least nod in this direction, and give credence to me, and how I feel about this would be doing a great disservice to my journal, my life, how people affect me, the people AROUND me, and my quality of life in general. I wasn't going to mention it. Because I figured it would draw attention to him; and honest to GOD if he disappeared literally off the face of the earth now, I wouldn't even be AWARE of it nor care. But if I don't mention names, no one's gonna miss him. That's a fact. Sad. Really, it is.
I mean, when you're slightly gullible, and honestly do want to believe that *all* people are good somewhere inside them, you don't notice the Charles Mansons of the world until they plop on your doorstep, you stare into their proverbial empty, dead, bottomless pits mimicking a real soul until they say something...which is so inappropriate, yet subtle (because of course, they're kissing up and trying to get to ya) that you *almost* miss it.
I thank God that it took ZERO time to figure this out. I thank God, also, for the good friends I do have here and in real life, and who made yesterday easier for me in light of "real life" things which were and are occurring.
But most important, I thank God for Kelsey, who gives me a reason to get up in the mornings, gives me hope that not *all* people are bad, and makes me smile no matter how stormy and tumultuous my life might be.
Not touching on how I feel, because sadly regarding this subject, I just think it's clinically interesting. Seriously. Like a rat in a cage. Watch him and his serpentine tail! Clinically, yes, he'd be a GREAT study. But emotionally, I feel nada but "watching that car wreck" interest in such a twisted ufkc, an interest which won't hold my attention until I simply pass the wreck. If it wasn't for the fact that another has been SO horribly mistreated and hurt, this wouldn't even be mentioned. But at times like these, when people are being affected, SOMEONE has to say I've seen the face of evil -- and it has a name. GOD, JUST STAY AWAY, for he will stop at nothing to feel like "he's winning." He'll destroy families, he'd burn down your house, and not even blink an eye. He'll destroy ANY happiness, because he'd think HE's not the reason for it. Prepare for a life of total misery. Yes -- I do believe he's THAT sick. The signs are *all there.* I've seen 'em way before he showed up here, but out of courtesy/respect for a friend, I'd only mention them when my honest-to-God concern for her was much larger than the red flags flapping in the breeze. It's not easy to see this when you're open and caring; you want to believe the "goodness" they no doubt learned through the years, which NEVER lasts, and is NEVER genuine. I should know. I was there with King Richard, and Richard was the worst. Until THIS guy.
I've now come face to face with the opposite of Kelsey. Not mean. Just pure evil. No other way to describe it. I do feel sorry for this person, because understanding the psychology that drives a monster like this (and let there be no mistake -- he IS a selfish, pathological monster) makes you want to take him back to infancy, raise him, and pray that this evil seed has MAYBE one good cell in him to nurture.
But even then, I doubt we'd ever see it. For some people, there really is no hope. This is why they surround themselves with "kids", freshmen in college -- because adults don't want anything to DO with them. It's sad. It's sick. And most important, it's evil. And because of Kelsey, it's so easy to see this evil with perfect, unblemished clarity.
We joke around about being evil and hateful, but in truth, we're all putting up a tough front, trying to gut out whatever horror life is throwing at us. Sociopaths like this only scream and shout and cry because they're selfish, and have lost control of SOMETHING. Not because they give a SHIT about anybody else. Believe it. This person couldn't say about ONE PERSON "I truly love them." I have no doubt about that. I mean, I've heard it -- but until the past 24 hours, didn't want to believe it.
I can see it so clearly, even *without* proof staring me in the face. I can happily click on that "delete mail" button without even batting an eye. I can block 57328578925 e-mail addresses IF I WANT TO. But it's so much more satisfying when you simply "delete" that e-mail without reading it, knowing THEY know you didn't care enough to even open it up. Of course, this satisfaction isn't very much. I control my world. Good or bad, happy, sad, wonderful, beautiful, ugly...whatever is in it, it's mine. I *own* it. No one else ever will. Nor will some mimicking freak ever be clever enough to *outwit* me into thinking they're the GOOD GUY.
A mimic of a human. But not human.
So with joy this morning, I deleted three more e-mails. Let's hope it stops soon. A restraining order ain't pretty, and by now, I think we all know it can be done here. And people like this blame EVERYONE but themselves for "badness" they've not only held the recipe for, but cooked and served up on a platter. They're just REAL GOOD at cloaking it with prose, pretending, and hoping to GOD they don't bump into someone who knows. When they know that someone ELSE knows, they really lose it. What if someone tells? What if...? They can't CONTROL THAT PERSON, because that person who identified them as the freak they are knows them way too well, and more -- has the balls to say it. That person isn't afraid of him. That person doesn't care, and delights in the fact that they can actually horrify HIM into submission. Yeah, one shouldn't boast of this, but it is an accomplishment. Sort of like jail, only...not. An emotional jail to which *I* hold the keys. THAT'S power, even if I earned it by simply being smarter and more human/honest than he. Doesn't matter HOW, just matters that I DID.
And I feel good today, even though I didn't get much sleep (umm...those brushes...PSP...killing me). So much art, not enough time. Too many vectors, masks and palettes, OH MY! But again, this is such a clinical case of ... psychosis that it had to be journaled, at least once. And I won't cower behind a "private" entry. When I make THOSE, it's to save my friend's list from reading some personal tragedy I'm going through, or something near and dear that doesn't NEED to be shared. Something like this, however, should be at least looked at. Listened to. Learned from. I don't enjoy seniority on my own journal for no good reason; I've been there, done that. And until, again, the past...few weeks, actually, I've never seen anyone close to being as sick as Richard until NOW. So I'd say it's worth journaling. But more important, it's worth LEARNING. *I* have learned again. And maybe I'll learn three weeks' from now. Maybe I won't. But for what it's worth, something had to be said for the good of anyone who might wander over here and think this person is REAL, or GENUINE. This is the most fradulent person I've ever come in contact with.
Go ruin someone ELSE'S friendships. Keep your psycho hands off mine. And leave families alone. Leave CHILDREN alone. My DAUGHTER could be one of those who buys into that B.S. (which made me sick when I realized that yesterday), and easily be yapping it up on the internet with someone LIKE him. I trust HER, however, to be smarter. But yesterday, I was forced to think "for just a SECOND, you thought he might be semi-decent. He dated a girl who's WAY too good for him, and he *seems* halfway decent, even if he DOES look like a psycho." I know, of course, that he's not over her. He HAS TO KNOW that he's lost the best thing that's probably ever crossed his filthy path. He HAS TO KNOW THAT. I don't need to tell him, nor do any of her friends.
I'm just glad it's over. And it IS. Because this is my...clinical closure. My "Protect Kelsey At ALL Costs No Matter What" entry. My "never believe a man over your girlfriends" entry. My "yes, there ARE crazies out there JUST AS BAD, if not worse, than King Richard" entry. This is me, claiming loudly that this is MY life. I'm plucking this chicken, and YOU'RE not good enough to even hold the legs.
It's over for now, anyway. If I do -- while reading journals and stuff -- run across anything hateful/ugly/charged -- oh yeah. There's going to be a fight.
It ain't gonna happen HERE. He's powerless HERE. He's powerless in MY WORLD. And I pray to God that soon, he'll have NO power in any shape, form or fashion, in some of my friend's worlds, for any power which exists is smoke and mirrors.
A man who can't control himself and his own actions could NEVER control/be the man of someone ELSE.
It's that simple.
Alrighty...time for me to get to work. I'd like to say that inside, I'm cringing a tad because of that very close brush, but it wasn't very close...I thankfully will never be within the same STATE as this looney tunes. And it wasn't a brush; because well, we all know that even studly, gorgeous, intelligent REAL LIFE guys ain't gettin' to me, so a used-up, has-been, wanna-be sociopath who hangs out with college kids DAMN sure ain't gonna do it. I just hate it that this person has adversely affected, well, everyone in his life, including his own family. But ESPECIALLY my friends.
I consider most of my friends family in here. Deleting harm from my list is every bit as protective as defending a friend in real life. And that's that.
*closes that brief introductory chapter, decides the book is too boring and short to write, ends it here*
Ahh! Lovely. McMan, aka, The Anonymati, AKA THE MYNAH BIRD, aka Chicken man (for our own, private, he and I reasons...)? You'll be happy to know he's been educated by learning the WORD, Mynah bird, but still doesn't "understand what the bird does," where *I* came up with it (from you, of course, bearer of great gifts), nor why it was ever said. He's trying to take your bird and run with it. He had to Google it, since he'd never heard of it before. I find it a little odd that um...YOU'RE the Mynah bird who brings bright, happy, shiny things and he's trying to give me credit for it without knowing the definition...lololol.
OH NOES! HE'S NAME-CALLING!! *sob* LOLOL
I was wrong. LOL ;-) He's not THAT quick of a study after all.
Mkay. That really is all. No more credit to that unedumacated idiot. I laughed out loud when I saw that in e-mail last night, and forgot to share (since the grave Anonymati has been so silent lately...).