Creeping Through The Cellar Door (none_too_subtle) wrote,
Creeping Through The Cellar Door

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Loonch Time

HAHAHA. Iconage of the day:

Geeez. Looks like the way Madonna's dancers disappeared after that one tour (whichever it was). LOL. Ooops. I bet that hurt.

And creepy LINK of the day...OMG:

Ewwwwww! Celebrities who were "aged" with some photoshopping thing. Disgustingggggggggggggggg.

Mkay, so this hanging out with someone at lunch is contributing to that bad rep thing I've been working on, but decided was *finished.* Of course M decides that we should hang out in the sun, since it's cold outside. Like a couple of lizards, we snuck around in that little secret area, and hung out on the loading dock. Of course, when we came back INto our walkway, there were 20 people -- most of whom are company GOSSIPS -- milling about and all staring at us like we just got busy back there.


I don't get it.

Anyyyyyyway. It was *so* comfy, that I didn't wanna come back inside. The sun was warm, the air was cool, but it was perfect in that little spot. He has some pretty good ideas sometimes =) We're thinking about playing Mario Cart after work today (that, or Star Wars Pod Racer, in which case I'll kick that ARSE). And I'm not knowing if this is *smart* or what. Hm. Maybe it's a dry test run for being potential roomies.

Or something.

Been really lucky today, and have cleverly avoided RJ (thanks to M and our hiding out in the sunny loading dock AO), which means I won't feel all guilty when he slouches around looking like somebody stole his teddy bear. Ya know, I've been thinking about that...and I'm *pretty sure* he looked like that WAY before our little incident happened. I just ignored it. So...I need to let go of the guilt or whatever it is I feel when I see him looking all wounded, and carry on. Or perhaps him looking all wounded is what compelled me in the first place; that need to comfort or something. Or worse -- be codependent. I need to slap myself.

It's surprising to me, however, that I *still* even think about him. It's been a little over a month since heaven then hell, and I've had plenty of time to reconcile my feelings about all that, plenty of "fun times" without him and WITH others, and no really good reason to even think about him.

Except for the friendship we had FIRST. I really REALLY miss my friend =/ Or who he was *before* he next-leveled it to a kiss. Was that *really* next-leveling it? Yeah. To me, it was. A kiss -- a real kiss, that is -- is more intimate than sex.

*sigh* I think it's lack of good closure. And just like MY MOTHER, I'll never have it. And this disturbs me. With her, I forgave her without her asking, and moved on. But with RJ, there's nothing to forgive. There's plenty I'd love to forget, butttttt somehow can't do that.

I'm still...sore over the whole thing. Sore as in wounded/in pain/tender. It's not a good feeling. Maybe I cared more about him that I want to admit? Nah.

Whatever the case, I need to STOP IT. This mental dance I've got goin' has no music. Must. Quit. Dwelling.

And now, it's time to come back from lunch. Baseball boy (BB from last year) just came by with more book schtuff. So, ja.

Woah. I just had a flashback from LAST year. Greaaaaaaaaaaa t. *kisses lunch breaks/any breaks goodbye for the next couple o months*

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