So during our typically fun-happy-lengthy discussions, some things had to be brought up (don't they always?). I offended him by an observation, and that's that. Lots was said, which I'm definitely going to journal for my eyes only, seeing how I have some feelings about all this.
Today has now become a kinda sad, but inevitable, day. Best sooner than later, I figured.
But we're buddies, and so that's good.
I won't change who I am, nor do I hide it, or what I believe in. I do believe in compromise, but I also cling to my list of things I can't live with for dear life.
Is that always the best course of action?
That was rhetorical. You can take the scales, weigh the good versus the bad, and have a good, solid snapshot of life as it would be THIS way.
Although I say I have no expectations (and in a grand scheme, I don't), already I miss the potential we had (or my perception thereof), and other things which again shall be for my eyes only. Why did this happen? I used a word that NO ONE wants to hear, yet we ALL go through it. Period. How we deal with it is a different matter altogether. Fear the seriously defensive; for they will prove your theories right every time. I hate being right about this one, but am glad that he and I have decided to be buddies. :D We definitely don't view life the same in the areas that count, and well, let's face it -- I wasn't "over" PH. Clearly.
Yes I'm ...wistful/sad over this, and will resist writing bad poetry or lyrics for a bad country-western song. I'll accept full blame for this one, realize that life is short (shorter for some than others), and move on, for this, too, shall pass. Won't run down the list of things, but since it JUST happened, I have to write it. I might not /feel/ like this again. It needs to be noted.
Some things should be. Others shouldn't. Some things, whether I like it or not, fall in a gray area. /I/ recognize this. Does everyone else? Do just a few? Is it a girl thing? I need to end THIS so I can really write it out. Plus, I'm still getting over this plague I've had which doesn't help (emotionally). Grr. Being girly is soooooo stupid. I don't ever want to be this way again. >:o
For realz...I definitely need a headrub and feel protected/cherished and quite frankly, don't care from where it comes. Scary stuff, that.
Okay. I'm calling it a day.
Move along; there's nothing to see here. :>