Creeping Through The Cellar Door (none_too_subtle) wrote,
Creeping Through The Cellar Door

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What they SAY vs. What they MEAN. And what YOU do.

Girls? Ever get sick of hearing his crap, because he's really not man enough to just say it? For girls only:

*Side note: These are all real answers from a poll taken by men, who were being 'honest' (yeahhhhh okay). So What He Means is actually true, based on the poll. However, I found the girl's response completely inappropriate every single time. So I came up with my own little ideas. :)

What He Says: "My home phone isn't working, so call me on my cell."
What He Means: "I don't want you calling my house."
What You Should Ask: "Are you one of those cheating, sneaky bastards? Give me your home phone, so I can ask your wife's permission. BYE."

What He Says: "You have to be able to ride out these little corrections."
What He Means: "I lost everything in the stock market."
What You Should Ask: "Have you ever heard of 'Gambler's Anonymous? All I'm sayin is..." Then, run.

What He Says: "My marriage is essentially over."
What He Means: "I want to have an affair."
What You Should Ask: "Hey I know! Can we call your wife, and see if she wants to come with us, too? In fact, give me her number. I wanna talk to her."

What He Says: "Women are too picky."
What He Means: "Women don't like me."
What You Should Ask: Don't even ask. Just RUN, because NO ONE wants him. You're too good for him! :)

What He Says: "I'll have to check my schedule for next Saturday."
What He Means: "I'm waiting to see if a better offer comes along."
What You Should Ask: "Ooooo I see. So you think that Angelina Jolie's gonna pop up, eh? Got news for ya hero; *I* won't waste another minute on you. I'm sure she wouldn't."

What He Says: "I'm afraid of commitment."
What He Means: "I'd like to continue sleeping with you, but not if it means I have to stop seeing other women."
What You Should Ask: "Are you always this big of a puss? Or do you just love you too much to share? BYE."

What He Says: "So it's me. I'm calling you."
What He Means: "I don't particularly want to talk, but I want to get credit for calling."
What You Should Ask: "Who are you?" Then, hang up after you call him a freaky pervert.

What He Says: "So my parents are having this barbecue, and I was wondering if you'd like to come."
What He Means: "I'm madly in love with you."
What You Should Ask: "I came last night. And NO THANKS. BYE."

What He Says: "That guy is a big phony."
What He Means: "I'm totally jealous that you were talking to that tall, handsome man at the party."
What You Should Ask: "Does it disturb you that I have so many more options than just you (who happens to be the complete opposite)? He gave me his number; BYE."

What He Says: "It's not you, it's me."
What He Means: "It's you."
What You Should Ask: "Wanna slow this down? In fact, I had a date lined up for tomorrow; I'm so glad you said that. And you're right -- it is you. Call me when you grow up. BYE."

What He Says: "I'd like to cook you dinner at my place."
What He Means: "I'd like to dazzle you with what a caring, nurturing renaissance man I am, so that you'll have sex with me."
What You Should Ask: "Why have men suddenly learned how to cook? I'd prefer to stay home and watch a movie...I need my space. BYE."

What He Says: "I need some space."
What He Means: "I'm about to break up with you" or "I've realized that I'm crazy about you and it's freaking me out."
What You Should Ask: Nothing. Give him his space, and girlfriend, go out and live your life. Tell him BYE, of course.

What He Says: "My children are very important to me, and I need to be with a woman who understands that."
What He Means: "My children are my first priority."
What You Should Ask: " you're so emotionally closed off you can't love more than one or two at a time? Is that why your wife left you? BYE."

What He Says: "You're not a feminist, are you?"
What He Means: "I'm threatened by the fact that you don't act like a complete doormat."
What You Should Ask: "Define feminist." Then, run (after you've said BYE.)

What He Says: "You remind me of that girl from Sex and the City."
What He Means: "... and I'm really hoping you share her same liberal attitude about casual sex."
What You Should Ask: "Please tell me you're not one of those losers who sits on the couch, believing all that shit is true, and now think that I'm the same way. Did you walk to school or bring your lunch? BYE."

What He Says: "How long ago was your last relationship?"
What He Means: "Please give me your entire relationship resume, so I can determine if you're a worthy candidate."
What You Should Ask: Oh no. Turn this one around, because you're probably better! "Are you intimidated that you're not up to par with 'the others'? I really need a man who has loads of self-confidence. BYE."

What He Says: "I just want to be friends."
What He Means: "I don't find you attractive anymore."
What You Should Ask: "Friends with whom? I don't even like you; I just used you as my stud muffin. BYE." Then, run off with that cool guy who is hotter and kisses better. :)

What He Says: "You look great in that dress."
What He Means: "The party started half an hour ago, can we please leave already?"
What You Should Ask: "You think? Let me show you my other party dresses! Because you mean that much to me. BYE."

You girlies should've seen the original questions. OMG. They made us look like a bunch of desperate doormats. I don't THINK so. Someone had to do this. :) Might as well have been moi.

Or you can always just say BYE, like I did to Gingerale Guy when he started talking about dating Miss Arkansas. That taught HIM. *SMIRK* :)

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